Words Have Power. That’s why they call it spelling.
I really believe that statement and, beyond filler words, often use my words carefully. However some days I’m more attentive to what comes out of my mouth than others.
Chaos Abounds and Emotions are High
I thrive in high-pressure and chaos. Yet, I’ve been unusually sensitive for a couple weeks, so instead of rolling with the interruptions and sudden changes, I’ve found myself fiery and emotional. I’ve been digging up some deep stuff that needs healing around past relationships and my book writing expectations– just as I throw myself back into the mix. I was doing my EFT tapping by myself and with my practitioners and things were pretty darn good.
How’s It To Be Back?
It’s fun to be back in Minnesota, but due to the chaos I had temporarily enveloped myself in, I kept telling people my life was a bit like a shit show.
Not So Funny
I thought it was funny to say. I must have said it a dozen times. “It’s a bit of a Shit Show.” Even though it wasn’t. I’m in a beautiful house dog-sitting for two weeks. I have amazing clients, friends, and colleagues, and have had so much fun reconnecting. Except for the cold snap keeping me from the outdoors, I am loving life.
I Love Dogs
I grew up with a Labrador as my trusty sidekick. He went everywhere I went. So when one of the dogs started doing the ‘scootch the butt across the floor’ thing- I didn’t think anything of it. It’s normal, right?
The Web We Weave
Unbeknownst to me, his hair was matting together in his nether-region and was creating a perfect net/web in which to catch and hold poo. Two days later— the denouement.
I won’t horrify you with details- I’m sure your imagination can fill in the gaps. Let’s just say ‘Shit Show’ is an appropriate description of a few days of my life.
What Words Do You Use?
Our words Do create our reality. How do you use words to describe yourself? Your kids? Your relationships and loved ones? Do you find yourself, even jokingly, calling yourself or others dumb, stupid, lazy, forgetful? Are you judgmental about others and their beliefs? Do you find yourself angry, upset, frustrated, annoyed, scared, or otherwise triggered by others or the news?
I’d love to hear how you use your words to manifest-for the “good” or “bad.” If you want support creating more positivity, abundance, and healing for yourself, let’s chat! As you know, I love to help.
And it’s turned out a bit like a relationship itself. I was all excited about it. It’s my second full book. I was so inspired I was even waking up in the morning after having dreams about it in the fall of 2020. I’d get up and voice memo myself the rush of thoughts and awesomeness running through my brain.
THIS IS IT!
Yep, This is it, I thought. This will be SO EASY! In fact, I’m pretty sure it’s divine intervention writing this book through me. I went right from courting the idea of writing a book about relationships into full-blown honeymoon phase. Words were easy; my messages felt clear and aligned for anyone to receive.
And Then…
Like most relationships, the excitement waned. I kept working on it, but somehow the flow wasn’t as magical. The edits were more brutal and disheartening. I was afraid that what I was writing would too honestly reflect my own intimate relationships in the past and upset those I still care for and call friends.
Reality set in. As I navigated writing with work and my life in general, the book got set aside. I’d write a bit when I felt like it amidst everyday drudgery. I knew it didn’t have to be this way; I couldn’t see a way out.
Just Another Day In the Woods
When people asked me about the writing, I’d say it was going fine. Pretty good. But realistically, my hormones weren’t engaged. My intellect wasn’t excited. Things were stagnant.
I’d engage with it, half-heartedly hoping for the passion to return, but wasn’t really sure where I was headed.
Should I End It?
My thoughts were fully occupied as I hiked. Do I really want to write this book? Or should I change it up and write something totally different. I’ve put so much time and energy into it. Maybe I should just stick with it. Maybe this is all there is.
The Big Choice
I had three main options I decided. First, try to reignite my passion and dedication and bring it in a new direction, using the past chapters as a catalyst for growth. Second, I could settle with what I’ve already done and just keep going, hoping it will get better. Third, I could end it. Either by not writing it at all, or by starting all over again.
More Than Creativity In Hibernation
Everything is GONE. Everything.
I went into my computer early December to try to rekindle the creative juices. Not one word was to be found. Not the outlines, the research, the quotes, the character development, nor the chapters themselves. Unsearchable, even in icloud or my external backup drive.
I took it as a sign from the universe to give up. With tears I started announcing to my closest people that the Universe had decided for me.
As if the Universe was telling me I HAD to write it, Apple Support found it while I was working with another computer issue. All of it. Everything I mentioned above + voice memos.
Now What?
It’s a second chance. Do I want it? Will it make me happy? Is it “meant to be?” Tuning in, I still have a strong NEED to write a book on relationships. Should it be more about healing with EFT? Touch-based? Process and science based? Should I turn it partially fiction? Too many options froze me again.
The Next Relationship
I am creating a new relationship. I’ll read the old content. Enjoy the light from the darkness. Feel into my body and get a clear idea if this past writing was just to teach me a lesson so I could have a stronger, more powerful, more aligned relationship with my next writing project; perhaps it’s actually the one I wanted all along. Maybe as I turned my back and struggled, it has been patiently waiting for me to come to center and feel its presence. Warm, inviting, and fully open to expanding into a beautiful and synergistic existence.
Everything we do is to try to feel loved, accepted, or as if we are part of something; That we matter and belong. Our brain takes information from the outside world and creates stories to protect us from hurt and harm; to keep us safe from emotional and physical turmoil. Our brain puts things in boxes and creates filters through which we view our whole world.
Why St*ry?
Amanda, my editor and writing support (because there was NO way I was going to write a book then have some editor tear it apart and tell me I have to fully redo it) uses this term.
I think it’s because so much emotional sh*t has to be released and processed when we share our story; Telling about life experience includes revealing struggles, heartbreak, vulnerable moments, shame and other emotions, and secrets to friends, family, and colleagues. Knowing strangers are going to read it is the easy part!
With Divine Assistance
Situations that were synergistic and stories that needed to be shared started to appear. People told me more and more about how touch or lack thereof was impacting their lives. During the pandemic I still spoke about how to navigate touch boundaries. How to connect even if handshakes and hugs were not an option.
It’s All In the Timing
The Touch Crisis is still getting great feedback and reviews. As I travel around the country, individuals are reading it and telling me how important this message is for them.
You Can’t Make this St*ry Up
Is a book about stories. 19 brave people sharing their experience as they wrote their secrets onto paper for everyone to see. Stories of abuse and fear; of romance, heartbreak, and triumphs; of race cars and veterans; of religious conflicts; of loss. Then, Amanda, our writing coach, shares how we came into her life at the perfect time to teach her something important or shift her life. (See below for the YouTube links of interviews I did + Amanda’s podcast with me.)
It’s All About YOU
The people you meet on the street, your coworkers, those who have different opinions and viewpoints- they are all here to teach you something. Are you listening? Are you open to learning about yourself through your projection onto others?
When ‘others’ create fear, anger, and frustration in you… do you know that is something that is calling for healing within yourself? It’s not about them.
I’ve traveled across the US and Europe and see this phenomenon. Individuals do their best to feel love and connection– even as they push others away and judge them for being different.
We create identity and connection to our own groups by categorizing others- sometimes as inferior or opposites.
Can’t we all just take a moment to see that everyone is doing the best for themselves and their families with the information they have, their personal and medical and social history, and a desire to live a happy and healthy life? They have their own st*ry, just as you have yours. Difference is- you don’t know what theirs entails.
Scouting Your Inner Terrain with Touch The Touch Crisis Cover Strategizing Intention and Safety with Touch Tackling the Mountain of Wants, Needs, and Consent in Touch Scaling Touch Challenges with the 4 C’s Comparing Landscapes & Sharing the Adventure of…
Path To Passion Class (Finding Intimacy) This class will be eventually turned into full video classes. Until then, the audio and PDFs of this class were created by & performed by Alina Frank & Craig Weiner-Master EFT trainers and my…
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“The body is what we perceive existence through. The temple of the body perceives the rest of creation. Our whole existence is about perception.” Member Corner Page Navigation Tapping Scripts/ EZ Tapping Script LoginHealing Relationships with EFT Class SeriesEmotional Freedom…
“It’s hard to hate women when there’s so much awesomeness around me.” The words that came from my mouth on the fourth day of class shocked me. Where on earth did that come from? Here I am, on a massage table, getting CranioSaral work by at least five women, and THAT is what I say?
I laughed out loud. Partially because it was a funny statement, partially because I had no idea where it came from, and partially because I was waiting for the judgement to rain down.
I went back to my campsite that evening after a soak in the hot springs. It was 1 am; I was mulling over my experiences so far.
All week, every relationship that has come up that has needed healing was a betrayal by another woman. From secrets being betrayed, my body being judged, my ideas being shot down, my motives scorned. There wasn’t room for me in this world as a strong, independent woman in my younger years, and I had carried this forward in my body.
A Simple Intention To Heal
CranioSacral Therapy Outside
My physical intention for this week-long CranioSacral class was easy: Release the scar tissue in my lungs and chest that had been created by the mold exposure as well as the damage caused by the refrigerator that crushed me against a steel beam and caused me to lose function in my right arm for a few weeks.
My Emotional intention was even easier (so I thought.) To heal old relationship issues so I could open my heart even more. After all-I’m still friendly with most of my exes… I knew where my fear was, what my belief system was. I just needed a bit of support clearing that.
Ha. I thought I had work to do around my relationships with men. It makes me chuckle now.
The Introduction
Sitting in the room of 10 female students and 2 female teaching assistants (and the one male teacher) the first day of class, I found ease, grace, and familiarity in us all staking our claim in our roles in the introductions. Like a litany of triumphs- whether traumas, successes, or life struggles.
My name is x, here’s my intention of learning and/or healing for the week, here’s the experiences I’ve had. Strong identities shared. Here is my story. This is what you get to see of me. This is how I choose to portray myself.
A safe space to share trauma is rare. But allowing another woman to see the strength you hold; the power and beauty and sexuality—unheard of.
So we hid. Behind stories. Or perhaps—it was just me hiding. Behind my own ego, my own belief that my 23 years of healing myself had somehow brought me to a different level.
Are Women Taught To Hate Women?
Our group discussion as women the day after my session was fascinating. The same themes came up over and over.
“I don’t trust women.”
“I’ve never experienced love and trust for a group of women before.”
“We are taught as a society to judge and hate women. WTF.”
Together, this group of women let go of hate and bonded in a tighter way than I have ever experienced.
A woman who shared the experience on the table with me said, “Dawn feels like a sister. I wasn’t going to let go of her hand until I knew she was okay.” She turned to me. Protective. Powerful. “I don’t trust very many women. But I can honestly say I love you.”
We discussed how society had trained us to be competitive, mistrustful, judgmental, and hateful towards each other. Not how men had, but how other women had. How we, as women, had lost so much by betraying each other.
Am I Being Melodramatic?
Even writing this story—it seems excessive. Is it true we’ve been taught to distrust and hate each other so much? Reflecting on my experiences + how I hear my male friends discuss how baffled they are by the way women treat each other—I would say yes.
Ask me who my five closest friends are—the ones who know the most about me, who I trust with my life and my soul—only one is female. Fascinating. I’m not judging that or even saying it should be more balanced. Just noticing. Very curious. Curious about the hidden culture that set me up to distrust women—and how my mind latched onto unhealed past circumstances to believe it.
A Personal History of Betrayal; Unhealed Circumstances
Maybe it started in first grade when a classmate called me a whore. I didn’t even know what it meant, but I could tell she was angry and that it was really mean.
Maybe it was in 5th grade when one of my good friends made me choose between her and my other two female friends. I was told I must align or be left behind. I chose wrong that time. The second time she gave me that ultimatum she lost my friendship—or what was left of it.
Maybe it was in sixth grade when a friend told my secret to the whole school. When I got home I got in trouble for sharing the same secret. Doubly shamed.
Maybe it was the girls who made fun of me when I developed early; perhaps it was my male friends’ girlfriends who assumed I was sleeping with their partners, as they clung with a jealous ferocity to the boy they had captured.
Maybe it was the time in high school when I overheard two women talking about how I was having sex with my boyfriend; their shocked tones and catty judgement easy to hear through the bathroom stall.
Hell, I didn’t know I was doing the stuff they said I was doing with him. I would have been shocked at myself too at that age.
College Was No Different
Perhaps it was observing women at the university; they were cruel to each other, judging, commenting, hiding their insecurity behind a superiority complex and trendy clothing. I wanted nothing to do with it. I preferred the martial arts gym with the men where acceptance seemed easy.
Perhaps it was one of my closest female friends forgetting I existed when I was in my 20s; knowing I was staying at her house for the weekend so I could go to school, yet inviting her closest 5 female friends over to dress up and have dinner together. She was very cordial about inviting me into the group when I returned from school and they were gathered together. She even offered to share her dinner with me.
No, Thanks.
Perhaps it was being accused of disrespecting women’s relationships. Maybe it was because I portrayed myself as confident and independent and it made others uncomfortable.
I Really Do Like Women!
I’m not the first woman who has written about this cultural phenomena. Personally, I like and love women as individuals. I love my clients, my friends, the females who have mentored me and supported me along the way.
I just didn’t have any awareness of how guarded I am when women get together in a group. Whatever happened in class this last week pulled the remaining trauma out of my body and my system. It’s been transformative. Emotional.
It reminded me how important it is to continue our own healing processes. How vital it is to look into the shadow side of ourselves; how our unhealed situations in our past as well as familial patterns influence our current reality.
If you are interested in exploring your unhealed moments in time, schedule a health and healing strategy session with me. I’d love to have that conversation with you.
I explored Death Valley National Park Thursday. I was high-energy, motivated, and feeling playful. After a longer hike in the morning I had plenty of energy left, so kept exploring. With the sun high in the sky, rock music playing on the radio, and coffee in hand–because those little things added to the amazing energy–I decided to knock out a couple of scenic drives that had some small walks and overlooks. When I got back to my campsite, I was a bit tired, and climbed into my tent to do some stretching before starting the bonfire. I woke at 1 am, wondering what had happened, and why I was so exhausted.
Little Things Add Up
Years of water forms beautiful spiraled canyons
Looking back, I had knocked out almost 15 miles of hiking, mostly in mountainous and hilly terrain. No wonder! This happens in all areas of our lives, especially in personal and professional relationships. Those little things we say to others; the small ways in which we are critical, or in which we don’t ask for our own needs to be met; those unspoken expectations that create a feeling of being unloved, unwanted, or unappreciated. Little things can become really big things–the same the way water can carve through rock little by little over time.
It’s Different For Everyone
Some people love getting praise and appreciation for their efforts and it spurs them to do more and be better; others do not-and it can even make them feel embarrassed and unmotivated to do it again. I am not one to be motivated by praise. I had a partner that was, so I had to make a conscious choice to think about giving him what he needed.
Are You Being Polite?
Some of us, especially in midwestern culture, were taught (via example and words) to be nice, polite, or stoic. We were subtly taught to not ask for what we want; in fact, we often were shown by example to politely turn down offers a couple times before accepting something we did. Or that it’s polite to offer over and over again if another turns us down, just in case. How odd is that?
It Is Not Rude to Say Yes to What You Want
I don’t believe we have to give up our own needs to be kind to others. It’s also not rude to accept another person’s offer if we really want to. I’m also not saying you should never compromise, or that consciously choosing to do for another is bad.
However, for healthy relationships to exist, you MUST be comfortable communicating what you want and need. Period. To do that, you must also be AWARE of what you want and need and overcome any emotional hesitation to speaking that truth.
Start With the Little Things
EFT Tapping can help you speak your truth. I can help you clear those hesitations and brain patterns that have you automatically saying no when you mean yes. You can have everything you want if you can clearly ask for it. That means you also have to believe you deserve it. That you are worth it. That in a healthy relationship of any kind, others want to give back to you—even if their way looks different.
When you find yourself feeling disconnected or unappreciated in any kind of relationship (personal, professional, or intimate) give me a call. More often than not EFT tapping can clear the little things that are adding up to those big emotions.
Little things matter. You matter. Let me help. Call me or join my upcoming EFT Tapping class now! It’s only $17 + 48 hours before class starts–you will receive a link to get a second person in FOR FREE. I’m here for you.
I went to my parents’ house out in the country and took a hike into the back hills where I used to frolic as a child. Memories came flooding back as I wandered through the open, snowy woods.
My Neighbors
The clearing to my neighbor’s house
I remembered the neighbor, Ms. Mueller, who I had been told was a survivor from World War II and the Nazi camps. She lived up the hill behind our house on her own, windows covered with black garbage bags. I was always told not to bother her, yet if I saw her outside of her house curiosity would win over and I’d talk to her. She was very kind, if not a little strange. My dad would tell me that was part of her PTSD, but I didn’t really know what that meant.
For the Love of A Child
In elementary school one year we made paper May Day baskets, decorated them with crayon, and filled them with candy. I decided I wanted to give a basket to her; perhaps she was lonely and need some drawings for her refrigerator. I hung it on her doorknob and knocked on her door and ran into the woods to watch, terrified and excited. Would she be angry for being disturbed? I didn’t even know which of her two doors she used. I waited for a while, then ran up again and knocked on the other door even harder, confused at the lack of response. She never answered the door, and I left a bit disappointed, but hopeful she would find it later.
Home Has Changed
The structure of the forest has changed. I searched for the tree where I used to hide out and read books in my dad’s deer stand. (Around the age of 8 I “ran away” and was determined I’d live there to show my mom how much I didn’t need her rules.) The sacred meadow where I used to sit on the rock and overlook the cow pasture is now full of bushes and trees and thorns. A temporary deer stand exists elsewhere, ladder propped against a young vital tree that can hold the weight.
Can You Go Home Again?
When I come here and go into the woods, I remember the simple innocence; the comfort of wanting to be away but knowing I had a place to return to where I was loved. I think about all those who don’t have that right now and feel trapped in houses with people who don’t love them.
It’s more common individuals are with partners or family who DO love them–but are unable to feel it. Just like when I was young and I didn’t realize how I was being loved by my parents—especially in the times of boundary struggles.
Community Support
The water is off. I know 20 years ago I could have walked to any neighbor’s house to refill the water jugs. I’m sure I still could, but it feels different doing it now, since I don’t know the neighbors, than it did when I could bike to the neighboring farm to ask for a cup of sugar for my mom. Why is that? Has living in the city and owning my own house and seeing the separation of the world taken away my ability to knock on someone’s door? Maybe I should tap on that.
Have Neighborly Ways Changed?
I’m not scared and I know I won’t get hurt. It’s almost as if there’s an unwritten social rule. I guess I could go knock and introduce myself. I don’t know why asking for water seems like a harder step. If I were in a foreign country, I probably would, as if being a foreigner excuses my need. But I’m home, aren’t I?
I’ve Changed More Than Home Has
As I followed the deer paths, the landscape no longer looked familiar to me. I remember coming here when I was 24. I think it’s the last time I was out here. My cat had died unexpectedly in front of me the same day I broke up with a boyfriend.
I had returned to bury my cat next to my childhood dog, and took to the woods to heal my broken heart. I sat on a fallen tree, laid down and promptly fell asleep. The sun was in a different space when I awoke, and a deer was calmly grazing nearby. She looked at me as I rolled my head to look at her more clearly, and we shared a moment together. She kept eating, and slowly ambled away. It connected me to what’s real.
What’s My Point?
It was a reminder connection and love is eternal, no matter how painful it can be. Peace can be found in gentle moments, no matter where home is or isn’t. Even in the grief of a death, even when all feels lost, there is still the part of self that grew from that connection.
That’s what I choose to take back with me to the city. Stillness. Hope. Knowledge that beauty is unfolding and will expose itself when this part of the journey is done.
What is Home for You?
If you are struggling with connection in your family relationships, whether in or out of your current home, I can help. EFT tapping is amazing at helping move through feelings of disconnection, anger, loneliness, betrayal, stress, and feelings of lack of intimacy. Reach out for a free health and healing strategy session and let’s figure out how to make you find that feeling that home is safe and calm for you.
