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I had a series of mishaps Tuesday beginning with an injury and followed by a theft. My friend, Coach Les Hill, was gracious enough to offer support in a variety of ways. Someone stole my motorcycle gloves; he offered me another pair. I hurt my leg and a very very deep bruise was starting. The remedies I had been using to care for myself had been stolen as well. He offered an extra level of support with topical arnica.
Belief Systems Stirred
The hardest thing was not that the theft or injury happened, but that it stirred up a deep belief I’ve been working on with my colleagues using EFT tapping and homeopathy. The belief? People take advantage and steal my energy via time, stuff, and money if I’m not 100% attentive.
I know where the source of this belief is, and it’s about 80% less potent. Every time the trigger occurs it is less emotional and impactful.
Energy Returns Through Others’ Care
How do you allow others to care for and support you? I used to think accepting help from others made me weak. Or it meant I owed them something because I should create equality in energy. There was a distrust that others were giving freely; I had learned that many people, especially guys when I was younger (sorry but true), expected something in return. I boldly turned down all help offered, stubbornly taking care of everything in my life myself. It’s all different for me now. I choose to accept support. It’s pure awesomeness. It refills my energy cup. It allows me to give to others.
Can You Have King/Queen Treatment?
First, some of us are taught that accepting help creates vulnerability. Second, we learn from our childhood experiences what attachment to a loved one looks like. Many learn being treated well is not safe; kindness is a manipulation tool. Third, some learn being treated well was fleeting—perhaps one sober minute we are the apple of our parents eye, and the next minute we are backhanded. Or worse. That can all be healed.
Even without abuse, many of us subconsciously learn we don’t deserve. That we aren’t worthy. In my relationship and intimacy training, my teacher says that the hardest thing for men and women to accept in a healthy relationship is their partner treating them like a king or queen. However, we all deserve that level of care from those we love; it does not make one less of a man or less of a woman. In fact, it’s a key part of connection and relationships.
Receiving Helps Others
For example: If I try to show you love and care through help and support, and every time I try you turn it down, I may feel unloved. If my love language is acts of service, and you don’t allow me to help you, I may feel unimportant or as if you were pushing me away.
Obviously there’s boundaries with everything, and there are times when people do give to manipulate, or they are being boundary-less and it can be too much. However, I encourage you to look within yourself. Can you receive gifts, help, and support graciously? Do you allow it to create connection? Do you know that you deserve it?
Another Crash, Another Injury
In conclusion, I felt the support again when I crashed again this morning on a trail. I was extra grateful to still have this Arnica on hand. Above all else, be kind to yourself. Allow others to be good to you. Let’s have conversation about how you can have more support, care, and connection in your life. Schedule here.
Better Intimate Relationships
Mastering the art of receiving support gracefully and knowing you deserve it will also have a positive influence on your partnerships, your marriage, and your future relationships. It will create more connection and communication between you and your partner. How do I know? I’ve experienced it myself as I have shifted beliefs using EFT tapping, and I’ve seen my own clients have powerful changes in their confidence and connection. Ready to explore that for yourself? Then let’s chat.
Sugar, alcohol, relationships, social media. Overindulgence at many levels. We try to stop, but just like we rebelled against authority when we were young, our minds rebel against the restrictions we attempt to put on those foods we crave.
Why can’t we control cravings?
There are consistent patterns that become clear when people begin using EFT tapping to clear their cravings, compulsions, and addictive habits.
Food contains love.
Does that ice cream remind you of warm, sunny days with your grandparents? Does that chocolate remind you of the romantic time in Belgium? Or maybe it’s hanging out with a dear friend and laughing your head off. Maybe that alcohol is a great reward for a long day’s work, or makes you feel like you are relaxing at home…even if you are still doing necessary tasks for your family and household.
The Internal Critic
Our favorite indulgences can also serve to numb or avoid the negative self-talk… or reinforce it. What a great way to self-punish? “I’m already angry at myself for messing up that relationship. What’s it matter if I put on a few extra pounds?” Then we can flagellate ourselves for eating too much. “See, you can’t even stop eating chips. No wonder no one loves you.”
Many people, especially women, gain weight as a form of protection after a history of abuse or relationships gone awry. It’s easier not to be seen than to be seen as a sexual object. It’s dangerous not to overindulge.
It can also be a great avoidance mechanism of our deeper thoughts. We eat because we are bored, avoiding doing a task, or because the action of the stimulant (or depressant) changes our hormones. We use food, alcohol, and drugs to cope.
It doesn’t stop there
Don’t be fooled. Overworking, exercise, and being busy all the time can also be used for emotional numbing or regulation. It’s just more accepted by our culture to overwork than to overeat. As is our television and internet consumption. Research shows EFT can permanently help change that..
You can break those cravings and still have the foods you love.
I’m not talking about those who have a true addiction. I’m not telling someone in AA to “just have a drink.” I’ve talked in past blogs about societal pressure around alcohol.
What I am saying is you can learn to find the love without the food so you can eat and drink as a choice. When you do your healing work, letting go of the compulsions becomes easy. Watch my story about alcohol below to learn more.
Take an EFT Tapping Class
I’m offering a special 4-week class that will teach you how to work with some of your compulsions and cravings. Sign up HERE for the EFT for Cravings Class.
Do cravings, compulsions, or your body image impact your relationships? Do you have problems with intimacy because of your past history or your new body after children, weight gain, or emotional disconnection? Sign up for my class on intimacy too. (If these classes are already closed, here’s the link to the schedule.)
I’d love to help you any way I can. Sign up here for a complimentary Health & Healing Strategy session when you are ready to take a next step and talk one-to-one about your challenges and how we can heal them. I’m here for you.
No matter how hard I try to take pictures that capture the beauty and energy of my travels, and no matter how beautiful the area, I can’t seem to do it. Pictures don’t pick up on the subtle nuances, the play of colors, the reflections of light… unless you have an amazing camera at the perfect time of the day and at the perfect angle. Even then, the soul of the space can be elusive.
It’s the Same In Relationships
The emotions and beliefs that drive each of us are so subtle, so nuanced, and so under-the-surface that one can be experiencing reactions and emotions for seemingly no reason. For example, I mentioned in a social media post February 18th about a conversation I overheard at a campfire that reminded me of a time in my life I used to question really little things my partner was doing.
Why Am I Questioning?
“Are you sure you added enough seasoning?” “Is it time to check the steak on the grill?” “Don’t you think that adding the garlic now will make it burn?”
I Thought I was Being Curious and Helpful
I did not realize what I was doing at the time, even after I had a partner call me out on it. “Why are you always questioning what I’m doing?” he asked. I told him I was just trying to learn. Which, in a way, I was.
I was aware enough at the time to know that I didn’t get why people were doing things different, and that there may be ‘better’ ways to do something than what I had learned.
The True Picture
Underlying the questioning was a subtle worry and anxiety nagging me that it “wasn’t the right way” or that something would get wrecked or the flavors wouldn’t be as great. It may be good that way, but wouldn’t it be better if it was done this way?
Looking back I think, does it really even matter?
The Great Chili Experiment
I made chili for one of my parties and a chef that attended commented, “You toasted the spices first, didn’t you?” I was stunned he could taste the difference. He tole me he was impressed. I didn’t toast spices for the chef; I did it to be fun and to see if I could tell the difference. Yet on some other days when my partner made dinner I would hover, thinking it wouldn’t be as good if he didn’t do (insert whatever action I was anxious about that day.)
What Drives You (That Drives Others Nuts?)
So what drives you in a relationship (familial, friend, professional, or intimate) that causes disharmony? Picture the last time you were anxious or upset about something little. What creates that little bit of dis-ease inside your body or brain? What are you are personally sensitive to about what your partner is doing, and where may that come from? Often what we are sensitive to in others reflects our own insecurities, belief systems, or judgements within our selves.
The Emotional Disharmony Can Clear
Using EFT Tapping to remove those worries, habits, or beliefs will not take away your personality or prevent you from speaking your truth. It’s like wiping the fingerprints off your camera lens so your picture is crystal clear. It is healthy and important to feel all of your emotions. It’s good for each of us to be challenged, to question others, to learn from observation and experience, and to have differences of opinion. But it’s also empowering to slow down, be patient, and observe.
Are Your Emotions Bringing You Closer to Happiness?
However, if you find yourself interfering, judging, jealous, irritated, or critical instead of curious, open, playful, and accepting with those you care about or must work with, I can help you. Picture your ideal level of communication in a relationship. EFT can help you navigate feelings that may be lying under the surface. You can step into your highest and most honest level of communication in a way that serves both you and the person you are communicating with.
Sex. The word alone brings up different images, ideas, and belief systems for everyone. Perhaps you are singing a George Michael song in your head now.
Or maybe you are thinking about playfulness, connection, and love. Others are thinking of embarrassment, shame, religion, trauma, or manipulation. Sex can be equated with power or equality, connection or separation.
Perhaps you have images of lengthy, slow, explorative, sensual, erotic tantric sessions or lively, exciting, powerful, sweaty, screaming, vigorous experiences. Awkward first explorations or easy synergistic rhythms born from familiarity.
Lust or love. Any combination of any of the above. The list goes on and on.
Maybe you are judging me for talking about sex.
How Do You WANT to Feel About Sex?
I have EFT clients who WANT to want sex with their partner. Yet something stands in the way. The lack of sex is blamed on stress. Schedules. Kids. Lack of desire/ hormones. Body image challenges. (Am I really desirable? I have x, y, or z wrong with my body. If my partner desires me… they must be crazy!) Feelings of duty, anger, frustration, disconnection, shame, or memories of trauma haunt the bedroom.
Emotional Freedom Techniques (a.k.a. EFT or Tapping) Can Help You Desire AND Enjoy Sex!
Most sexual dysfunction has an emotional root. Even when lack of desire, lack of orgasm, premature ejaculation, or body response challenges seem hormonal or physically related, clearing emotions, trauma, shame, guilt, fear, and/or belief systems can restore optimal sexual drive, and performance. EFT can restore your enjoyment–or allow you to find it if you haven’t before!
Your Bedroom is Your Business
It doesn’t matter what you want your sex life to look like. Heck, maybe all you want is healthy touch and an opportunity to cuddle. Perhaps a connection needs to be built or rebuilt before sex is even on the table. Maybe you are trying to learn your own body through masturbation and are still having challenges. Healing so you can find satisfaction, whether with self or other, is all possible with EFT.
Let’s Have an Honest Chat
Some people are still trying to figure out their own body and what they want (and don’t) in the bedroom. Maybe what you want is the courage to talk to your partner about curiosities, explorations, deeper desires or fantasies. Perhaps you just want the courage and words to gently educate another on what you like.
All of This is Possible with EFT
I can help you. Whether you want to work as an individual or a couple, book a strategy session and see if EFT Tapping is a good fit for you. If it feels more comfortable, start with a class. I’ve helped others through this, and I would love to help you too.
I explored Death Valley National Park Thursday. I was high-energy, motivated, and feeling playful. After a longer hike in the morning I had plenty of energy left, so kept exploring. With the sun high in the sky, rock music playing on the radio, and coffee in hand–because those little things added to the amazing energy–I decided to knock out a couple of scenic drives that had some small walks and overlooks. When I got back to my campsite, I was a bit tired, and climbed into my tent to do some stretching before starting the bonfire. I woke at 1 am, wondering what had happened, and why I was so exhausted.
Little Things Add Up
Looking back, I had knocked out almost 15 miles of hiking, mostly in mountainous and hilly terrain. No wonder! This happens in all areas of our lives, especially in personal and professional relationships. Those little things we say to others; the small ways in which we are critical, or in which we don’t ask for our own needs to be met; those unspoken expectations that create a feeling of being unloved, unwanted, or unappreciated. Little things can become really big things–the same the way water can carve through rock little by little over time.
It’s Different For Everyone
Some people love getting praise and appreciation for their efforts and it spurs them to do more and be better; others do not-and it can even make them feel embarrassed and unmotivated to do it again. I am not one to be motivated by praise. I had a partner that was, so I had to make a conscious choice to think about giving him what he needed.
Are You Being Polite?
Some of us, especially in midwestern culture, were taught (via example and words) to be nice, polite, or stoic. We were subtly taught to not ask for what we want; in fact, we often were shown by example to politely turn down offers a couple times before accepting something we did. Or that it’s polite to offer over and over again if another turns us down, just in case. How odd is that?
It Is Not Rude to Say Yes to What You Want
I don’t believe we have to give up our own needs to be kind to others. It’s also not rude to accept another person’s offer if we really want to. I’m also not saying you should never compromise, or that consciously choosing to do for another is bad.
However, for healthy relationships to exist, you MUST be comfortable communicating what you want and need. Period. To do that, you must also be AWARE of what you want and need and overcome any emotional hesitation to speaking that truth.
Start With the Little Things
EFT Tapping can help you speak your truth. I can help you clear those hesitations and brain patterns that have you automatically saying no when you mean yes. You can have everything you want if you can clearly ask for it. That means you also have to believe you deserve it. That you are worth it. That in a healthy relationship of any kind, others want to give back to you—even if their way looks different.
Don’t Exhaust Yourself
When you find yourself feeling disconnected or unappreciated in any kind of relationship (personal, professional, or intimate) give me a call. More often than not EFT tapping can clear the little things that are adding up to those big emotions.
Little things matter. You matter. Let me help. Call me or join my upcoming EFT Tapping class now! It’s only $17 + 48 hours before class starts–you will receive a link to get a second person in FOR FREE. I’m here for you.