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Sugar, alcohol, relationships, social media. Overindulgence at many levels. We try to stop, but just like we rebelled against authority when we were young, our minds rebel against the restrictions we attempt to put on those foods we crave.
Why can’t we control cravings?
There are consistent patterns that become clear when people begin using EFT tapping to clear their cravings, compulsions, and addictive habits.
Food contains love.
Does that ice cream remind you of warm, sunny days with your grandparents? Does that chocolate remind you of the romantic time in Belgium? Or maybe it’s hanging out with a dear friend and laughing your head off. Maybe that alcohol is a great reward for a long day’s work, or makes you feel like you are relaxing at home…even if you are still doing necessary tasks for your family and household.
The Internal Critic
Our favorite indulgences can also serve to numb or avoid the negative self-talk… or reinforce it. What a great way to self-punish? “I’m already angry at myself for messing up that relationship. What’s it matter if I put on a few extra pounds?” Then we can flagellate ourselves for eating too much. “See, you can’t even stop eating chips. No wonder no one loves you.”
Many people, especially women, gain weight as a form of protection after a history of abuse or relationships gone awry. It’s easier not to be seen than to be seen as a sexual object. It’s dangerous not to overindulge.
It can also be a great avoidance mechanism of our deeper thoughts. We eat because we are bored, avoiding doing a task, or because the action of the stimulant (or depressant) changes our hormones. We use food, alcohol, and drugs to cope.
It doesn’t stop there
Don’t be fooled. Overworking, exercise, and being busy all the time can also be used for emotional numbing or regulation. It’s just more accepted by our culture to overwork than to overeat. As is our television and internet consumption. Research shows EFT can permanently help change that..
You can break those cravings and still have the foods you love.
I’m not talking about those who have a true addiction. I’m not telling someone in AA to “just have a drink.” I’ve talked in past blogs about societal pressure around alcohol.
What I am saying is you can learn to find the love without the food so you can eat and drink as a choice. When you do your healing work, letting go of the compulsions becomes easy. Watch my story about alcohol below to learn more.
Take an EFT Tapping Class
I’m offering a special 4-week class that will teach you how to work with some of your compulsions and cravings. Sign up HERE for the EFT for Cravings Class.
Do cravings, compulsions, or your body image impact your relationships? Do you have problems with intimacy because of your past history or your new body after children, weight gain, or emotional disconnection? Sign up for my class on intimacy too. (If these classes are already closed, here’s the link to the schedule.)
I’d love to help you any way I can. Sign up here for a complimentary Health & Healing Strategy session when you are ready to take a next step and talk one-to-one about your challenges and how we can heal them. I’m here for you.
No matter how hard I try to take pictures that capture the beauty and energy of my travels, and no matter how beautiful the area, I can’t seem to do it. Pictures don’t pick up on the subtle nuances, the play of colors, the reflections of light… unless you have an amazing camera at the perfect time of the day and at the perfect angle. Even then, the soul of the space can be elusive.
It’s the Same In Relationships
The emotions and beliefs that drive each of us are so subtle, so nuanced, and so under-the-surface that one can be experiencing reactions and emotions for seemingly no reason. For example, I mentioned in a social media post February 18th about a conversation I overheard at a campfire that reminded me of a time in my life I used to question really little things my partner was doing.
Why Am I Questioning?
“Are you sure you added enough seasoning?” “Is it time to check the steak on the grill?” “Don’t you think that adding the garlic now will make it burn?”
I Thought I was Being Curious and Helpful
I did not realize what I was doing at the time, even after I had a partner call me out on it. “Why are you always questioning what I’m doing?” he asked. I told him I was just trying to learn. Which, in a way, I was.
I was aware enough at the time to know that I didn’t get why people were doing things different, and that there may be ‘better’ ways to do something than what I had learned.
The True Picture
Underlying the questioning was a subtle worry and anxiety nagging me that it “wasn’t the right way” or that something would get wrecked or the flavors wouldn’t be as great. It may be good that way, but wouldn’t it be better if it was done this way?
Looking back I think, does it really even matter?
The Great Chili Experiment
I made chili for one of my parties and a chef that attended commented, “You toasted the spices first, didn’t you?” I was stunned he could taste the difference. He tole me he was impressed. I didn’t toast spices for the chef; I did it to be fun and to see if I could tell the difference. Yet on some other days when my partner made dinner I would hover, thinking it wouldn’t be as good if he didn’t do (insert whatever action I was anxious about that day.)
What Drives You (That Drives Others Nuts?)
So what drives you in a relationship (familial, friend, professional, or intimate) that causes disharmony? Picture the last time you were anxious or upset about something little. What creates that little bit of dis-ease inside your body or brain? What are you are personally sensitive to about what your partner is doing, and where may that come from? Often what we are sensitive to in others reflects our own insecurities, belief systems, or judgements within our selves.
The Emotional Disharmony Can Clear
Using EFT Tapping to remove those worries, habits, or beliefs will not take away your personality or prevent you from speaking your truth. It’s like wiping the fingerprints off your camera lens so your picture is crystal clear. It is healthy and important to feel all of your emotions. It’s good for each of us to be challenged, to question others, to learn from observation and experience, and to have differences of opinion. But it’s also empowering to slow down, be patient, and observe.
Are Your Emotions Bringing You Closer to Happiness?
However, if you find yourself interfering, judging, jealous, irritated, or critical instead of curious, open, playful, and accepting with those you care about or must work with, I can help you. Picture your ideal level of communication in a relationship. EFT can help you navigate feelings that may be lying under the surface. You can step into your highest and most honest level of communication in a way that serves both you and the person you are communicating with.
Sex. The word alone brings up different images, ideas, and belief systems for everyone. Perhaps you are singing a George Michael song in your head now.
Or maybe you are thinking about playfulness, connection, and love. Others are thinking of embarrassment, shame, religion, trauma, or manipulation. Sex can be equated with power or equality, connection or separation.
Perhaps you have images of lengthy, slow, explorative, sensual, erotic tantric sessions or lively, exciting, powerful, sweaty, screaming, vigorous experiences. Awkward first explorations or easy synergistic rhythms born from familiarity.
Lust or love. Any combination of any of the above. The list goes on and on.
Maybe you are judging me for talking about sex.
How Do You WANT to Feel About Sex?
I have EFT clients who WANT to want sex with their partner. Yet something stands in the way. The lack of sex is blamed on stress. Schedules. Kids. Lack of desire/ hormones. Body image challenges. (Am I really desirable? I have x, y, or z wrong with my body. If my partner desires me… they must be crazy!) Feelings of duty, anger, frustration, disconnection, shame, or memories of trauma haunt the bedroom.
Emotional Freedom Techniques (a.k.a. EFT or Tapping) Can Help You Desire AND Enjoy Sex!
Most sexual dysfunction has an emotional root. Even when lack of desire, lack of orgasm, premature ejaculation, or body response challenges seem hormonal or physically related, clearing emotions, trauma, shame, guilt, fear, and/or belief systems can restore optimal sexual drive, and performance. EFT can restore your enjoyment–or allow you to find it if you haven’t before!
Your Bedroom is Your Business
It doesn’t matter what you want your sex life to look like. Heck, maybe all you want is healthy touch and an opportunity to cuddle. Perhaps a connection needs to be built or rebuilt before sex is even on the table. Maybe you are trying to learn your own body through masturbation and are still having challenges. Healing so you can find satisfaction, whether with self or other, is all possible with EFT.
Let’s Have an Honest Chat
Some people are still trying to figure out their own body and what they want (and don’t) in the bedroom. Maybe what you want is the courage to talk to your partner about curiosities, explorations, deeper desires or fantasies. Perhaps you just want the courage and words to gently educate another on what you like.
All of This is Possible with EFT
I can help you. Whether you want to work as an individual or a couple, book a strategy session and see if EFT Tapping is a good fit for you. If it feels more comfortable, start with a class. I’ve helped others through this, and I would love to help you too.
I explored Death Valley National Park Thursday. I was high-energy, motivated, and feeling playful. After a longer hike in the morning I had plenty of energy left, so kept exploring. With the sun high in the sky, rock music playing on the radio, and coffee in hand–because those little things added to the amazing energy–I decided to knock out a couple of scenic drives that had some small walks and overlooks. When I got back to my campsite, I was a bit tired, and climbed into my tent to do some stretching before starting the bonfire. I woke at 1 am, wondering what had happened, and why I was so exhausted.
Little Things Add Up
Looking back, I had knocked out almost 15 miles of hiking, mostly in mountainous and hilly terrain. No wonder! This happens in all areas of our lives, especially in personal and professional relationships. Those little things we say to others; the small ways in which we are critical, or in which we don’t ask for our own needs to be met; those unspoken expectations that create a feeling of being unloved, unwanted, or unappreciated. Little things can become really big things–the same the way water can carve through rock little by little over time.
It’s Different For Everyone
Some people love getting praise and appreciation for their efforts and it spurs them to do more and be better; others do not-and it can even make them feel embarrassed and unmotivated to do it again. I am not one to be motivated by praise. I had a partner that was, so I had to make a conscious choice to think about giving him what he needed.
Are You Being Polite?
Some of us, especially in midwestern culture, were taught (via example and words) to be nice, polite, or stoic. We were subtly taught to not ask for what we want; in fact, we often were shown by example to politely turn down offers a couple times before accepting something we did. Or that it’s polite to offer over and over again if another turns us down, just in case. How odd is that?
It Is Not Rude to Say Yes to What You Want
I don’t believe we have to give up our own needs to be kind to others. It’s also not rude to accept another person’s offer if we really want to. I’m also not saying you should never compromise, or that consciously choosing to do for another is bad.
However, for healthy relationships to exist, you MUST be comfortable communicating what you want and need. Period. To do that, you must also be AWARE of what you want and need and overcome any emotional hesitation to speaking that truth.
Start With the Little Things
EFT Tapping can help you speak your truth. I can help you clear those hesitations and brain patterns that have you automatically saying no when you mean yes. You can have everything you want if you can clearly ask for it. That means you also have to believe you deserve it. That you are worth it. That in a healthy relationship of any kind, others want to give back to you—even if their way looks different.
Don’t Exhaust Yourself
When you find yourself feeling disconnected or unappreciated in any kind of relationship (personal, professional, or intimate) give me a call. More often than not EFT tapping can clear the little things that are adding up to those big emotions.
Little things matter. You matter. Let me help. Call me or join my upcoming EFT Tapping class now! It’s only $17 + 48 hours before class starts–you will receive a link to get a second person in FOR FREE. I’m here for you.
I have a really guilty pleasure of pulling oracle cards and watching group tarot readers online. It’s similar to how some people like watching 90 Day Fiancé or Top Chef. I don’t do it all the time, but I get curious about energies and I listen for synchronicities. After all—we see the world as we are. Whatever I hear is what I am meant to, and perhaps what I need to use Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT or tapping) for. One reader says, “Take what resonates and leave the rest, because it was meant for someone else.”
Hearing the Message
I liken it to the friend (or parent) who gives you advice over and over and you don’t hear it until you are in a place where you can hear it; It gives me clues to where I am in my own world and own head and what ego-trips, limiting beliefs, or self-talk loops are in my way. Sometimes I used to flip a coin if I couldn’t decide what I wanted to eat; the coin flip would either make the choice for me, or I’d realize I was disappointed in the outcome and know I actually wanted the other meal. This is what my guilty pleasure helps me suss out.
Just after Thanksgiving I was listening to an online reader who said, “You’ve been doing so much work, your soulmate is on the way.” I was really excited and intrigued at the idea. I had been doing the classwork for Learning To Find Love, a specialty relationship Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT or tapping) training. I’m open to the possibility there’s someone I’ll gel with out there, as much as I like being independent and alone.
The idea also was exciting in an anxiety-producing way. You know… the type of excitement where you want something but you are scared to have it? A week later I found myself unable to sleep and thought I’d listen to another tarot reader for the first week in December.
She pulled the Twin Flame card and said, “You have gone through challenges and upheaval but Cancers are in a new place. Get ready for your Twin Flame.”
Cue The Brain’s Resistance
Now I really started to get nervous. What would that look like to actually have a long-term partner again? If I found one in the U.S would I get “trapped” here forever? If he was from another country, would I end up moving and leaving my people behind, forever? Would I lose my freedom, my individuality?
My EFT Relationship Coaching instructors have said over and over, “The right person makes a relationship easy.” I can have everything I want and I won’t lose myself? My brain doesn’t quite process. Society and experience tell me that’s not true.
Tapping Through It
I did a bunch of EFT (also known as tapping) work with my fellow classmate around the fear of actually finding a life partner that would suit. I put my EFT to the test, confident and egotistically sure I’d done the work and couldn’t be triggered. Instead of turning on my music one morning, I decided to listen to a third tarot reader. She also pulled the soulmate card. Let me tell you–I’ve never seen this kind of consistency between readers before.
Then I had to process the next aspect of fear. What if I decide not to go to Costco and that’s where I was supposed to meet him? Perhaps I missed him because I was in my head, ungrounded & not paying attention? Suddenly, the fear of NOT finding him seemed to outweigh the idea that I would. Then, I got to use EFT to clear that. Now I’m just chilly cool. If he shows up he does, if not, no big deal. Perhaps my soulmate is around and it’s just not the right time yet. Who knows? I certainly don’t claim to.
I had to get rid of leftover BS from past relationships that were preventing me from finding someone or getting into a relationship again. After all, maybe what I was actually meant to learn was that I needed to do work around my fears of having a partner and my resistance to it so I can help others. Perhaps I get to also let go of the idea it has to be ‘now.’ I know my clients would LOVE it if I found someone local and never moved away again. My traveling spirit doesn’t see that happening. Maybe I’ll tap on that next.
My Question for You
If the genie in the bottle or the psychic or the angel came and told you your future, what would scare and excite you the most? What emotions (or belief, judgement, resistance, observation, etc.) need to be cleared for your own healing process so you can accept the happiness you deserve?
Maybe you already know what your biggest fear is. Or maybe it’s hidden under a layer of self-talk, even the talk seems to be positive. Like “I’m amazing and independent and strong and I don’t need anybody.” We can hide fear and resistance behind ‘positive’ ideas just as much as behind ‘negative.’
Let’s explore this together! Set up a Health & Healing Strategy Session to learn how EFT tapping can help you discover and move through your blind spots and stuck spaces.
How Still Can I Be?
Savasana. Also known as Corpse Pose in yoga. I heard it described as ‘the art of lying still.’ Some people say it’s the most important part of a yoga practice. It used to drive me nuts.
After all, there were tasks demanding to get done. I’d lay there restless, as my mind spun; how am I supposed to be successful, build my business, stay strong, and manage my image if I’m lying on the floor?
Doing Less in Europe
I remember when I went to Europe in 2009 for 6 weeks for my honeymoon. Americans were stunned. “6 weeks!” None of the Europeans were stunned; In fact, they were fascinated by the ridiculously short 2 weeks of vacation accepted as normal in the U.S. “Why don’t Americans take breaks?”
When I went to Europe for 9 months in 2018 I finally learned to slow down—to BE. I would catch myself pushing on hikes to see how fast and how far I could go. I would stop and think: Who cares how fast you go? Who cares if your average speed is 3.4 instead of 2.9 mph on this challenging stretch of rugged terrain? No one is going to give you a medal for doing the 96-mile West Highland Way in 4 days instead of 5 or 6. Why don’t you chill out and enjoy?
Emotions Dictate Speed
I admit, some days I did want to see how fast I could go over the terrain. Or I knew I was pushing my luck to get to an area to set up camp before dark or to get back to the only bus that would take me back to the hostel for the night. Sometimes my speed was a game.
Other days I knew I was emotionally processing and would slow down and use Emotional Freedom Techniques a.k.a tapping. I would tune into the past situation, allow myself to finally feel—to become angry or sad. Or to grieve the loss of things I never had allowed myself to feel before and tap, tap, tap to get rid of it.
I knew had I changed when I returned. My ex-husband even noticed. “I can tell you are much calmer than ever before. I’ve never seen you sit this long and be relaxed about it.” He marveled that I stopped multitasking all of the time. I am focused even when I am bustling about. I achieve just as much but with less anxiety, stress, and negative self-talk. Even when things are going wrong, technology is failing, clients are cancelling, my body hurts, or I am running late, I roll with the flow.
Until the last 2 weeks.
I’ve been exhausted. I started blaming it on the planetary shifts and the moon (which does affect me BTW), but when I looked at my schedule I realized that the American drive to DO had crept back into my life– sneaking clients in on my writing days, meetings on my client days, and work on the weekends.
I talked to my friend in Norway today. “Go, go go,” she noted with a note of pity in her voice. “I guess it’s the American way, isn’t it.” I laugh now as I write this, but I was actually offended. I thought I had crushed that pattern; had risen above and learned to be present.
Others Expect Me To…
And I have learned to ‘be’ instead of ‘do.’ Sometimes I forget. Sometimes I allow the negative self-talk of others and their projection of what I should be to affect me on the inside, and I start caving in. I catch myself lacking in self-care, becoming irritable, not sleeping, overthinking every little thing, making decisions quickly, then thinking I made the wrong decision and doing it over again.
My Question for You
Where is your negative self-talk driving you to do more than you really need? Where have you learned that you are not complete as you are, and that you must do more to gain others’ approval?
What I Am Saying
I’m not saying we shouldn’t better ourselves or strive for more. Observe where your actions and goals align with your heart and passion, versus where the outside world is “demanding” something different. My hope is that my story helps you take a step back, breathe, and just lie still, feel your body, and do you.
Need Help? You know where to find me.
When’s the last time you were in an emotional funk? Looking at past situations that still make us emotional–angry, sad, frustrated, scared, etc–can be liberating. Avoiding healing can put us into a temporary funk until we choose to get rid of the old and embrace the new.
Always more self to explore
No matter how much work I do on myself and clearing old patterns, beliefs, and messages, it seems there is always a way to explore more deeply. It’s really rewarding!
Take for example, family relationships. I come from an amazing supportive family, but I still created beliefs of I’m not good enough and I have to work hard to be loved when I was a child. Emotional Freedom Techniques (a.k.a EFT or tapping), homeopathy, and the Hoffman Process have all been instrumental in changing that.
Some people aren’t as lucky. I have many women come for EFT tapping with a history of abuse, physical or emotional abandonment, and/or neglect. These powerful, strong women learn to move through their past and embrace their power, strength, and joy. Whereas holidays used to be torturous, they are now peaceful.
For some, death has separated family and created unexpected loneliness and grief. Others avoid family at all costs. Many choose their own family.
Family patterns influence relationships
We develop most of our beliefs before the age of five or six (or seven or eight, depending on what aspect of the brain we are discussing.) Our subconscious minds are programmed through identifying positive and negative things and then creating associations and emotions for each. For example, we absorb and mimic our parents and caretakers. Second, we have our own experience of how we are treated and cared for. We observe the world with different brain waves and an inability to use logic. What we are immersed in and exposed to informs what and who we become.
Our beliefs sneak in unwittingly
You have to work hard to be successful. I’m not good enough. Money doesn’t grow on trees. That’s stupid=I’m stupid. You are too old to act like that. Children should be seen and not heard. Others are more important than me. I am always wrong. People only want me for sex. Men should act like x. Women should act like y. Boys don’t cry. Women are weak. Poor people are/rich people are z. I need to act like or be __ to be loved.
These beliefs are insidious and sneaky. They define how you interact with relationships, money, society, food and alcohol, and yourself.
It can seem overwhelming
I’ve been doing healing work with myself and practitioners for 20 years. I’ve learned where my triggers are, why they are happening, and how to communicate clearly. Empathy has become easier. When others are hiding or reacting out of fear I can usually feel that. People have different views because of these beliefs. Individuals are often suffering inside, trying to find joy and happiness when these beliefs are telling them that they don’t GET to be happy.
Happiness and joy
My process of becoming joyful was not always fun. Finding joy does not mean I become perfectly neutral and never experience anger. That is an interesting concept some people, especially those wanting to travel a path towards enlightenment, seem to think is ideal. There is a wheel of emotions, and health to me means being able to access any of them.
In my opinion, the marker of emotional health is the ability to see a situation for what it is and how it makes you feel so you can respond to it and move through it. Denying emotion or pretending you are a positive person thus cannot (or should not) feel anger can be extremely damaging.
For example, I have a friend who used to say he never got angry. What he has realized over time is that he suppresses anger because he learned that anger=violence. So for self-preservation, he made a conscious choice to never feel anger.
Instead, those emotions were stored in his body. Those emotions created physical symptoms.
Now–was that function beneficial and helpful to him over parts of his life? Absolutely. Was it his best expression of health possible at the time? For sure. Can he (and you) learn to regulate emotions without suppressing them? Of course. Emotional Freedom Techniques is one of many ways you can learn to do that. (Here’s a 13 or 30-minute video if you want to see the science.)
Become your best self
What does that mean? My best self is aware, awake, and happy. It means I make choices from clarity and confidence instead of reactivity and fear. Talk to me if you want to hear more. Or, join one of my classes on Eventbrite.
Free Tapping Class for Loneliness
I am holding a free 4-week class on tapping for loneliness. You will learn to tap for yourself, AND how to apply these principles for all stresses in your life. Plus, the class is recorded so you can watch it anytime + go back to them. Contact me via Direct message, email, or text, and I will let you know when the final dates are scheduled..
With love and gratitude,