Tag Archives: self care

Emotions, Family, and Relationship to Self

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Emotional Funk

When’s the last time you were in an emotional funk?  Looking at past situations that still make us emotional–angry, sad, frustrated, scared, etc–can be liberating. Avoiding healing can put us into a temporary funk until we choose to get rid of the old and embrace the new.

Always more self to explore

No matter how much work I do on myself and clearing old patterns, beliefs, and messages, it seems there is always a way to explore more deeply.  It’s really rewarding!

Take for example, family relationships.  I come from an amazing supportive family, but I still created beliefs of I’m not good enough and I have to work hard to be loved when I was a child. Emotional Freedom Techniques (a.k.a EFT or tapping), homeopathy, and the Hoffman Process have all been instrumental in changing that.

Family challenges

Some people aren’t as lucky. I have many women come for EFT tapping with a history of abuse, physical or emotional abandonment, and/or neglect. These powerful, strong women learn to move through their past and embrace their power, strength, and joy. Whereas holidays used to be torturous, they are now peaceful.

For some, death has separated family and created unexpected loneliness and grief. Others avoid family at all costs. Many choose their own family.

Family patterns influence relationships

We develop most of our beliefs before the age of five or six (or seven or eight, depending on what aspect of the brain we are discussing.) Our subconscious minds are programmed through identifying positive and negative things and then creating associations and emotions for each. For example, we absorb and mimic our parents and caretakers. Second, we have our own experience of how we are treated and cared for. We observe the world with different brain waves and an inability to use logic. What we are immersed in and exposed to informs what and who we become.

Our beliefs sneak in unwittingly

You have to work hard to be successful. I’m not good enough. Money doesn’t grow on trees. That’s stupid=I’m stupid. You are too old to act like that. Children should be seen and not heard. Others are more important than me. I am always wrong. People only want me for sex. Men should act like x. Women should act like y. Boys don’t cry. Women are weak. Poor people are/rich people are z. I need to act like or be __ to be loved.

These beliefs are insidious and sneaky. They define how you interact with relationships, money, society, food and alcohol, and yourself.

It can seem overwhelming

I’ve been doing healing work with myself and practitioners for 20 years. I’ve learned where my triggers are, why they are happening, and how to communicate clearly. Empathy has become easier. When others are hiding or reacting out of fear I can usually feel that. People have different views because of these beliefs. Individuals are often suffering inside, trying to find joy and happiness when these beliefs are telling them that they don’t GET to be happy.

Happiness and joy

My process of becoming joyful was not always fun. Finding joy does not mean I become perfectly neutral and never experience anger.  That is an interesting concept some people, especially those wanting to travel a path towards enlightenment, seem to think is ideal.  There is a wheel of emotions, and health to me means being able to access any of them.

Emotional health

In my opinion, the marker of emotional health is the ability to see a situation for what it is and how it makes you feel so you can respond to it and move through it. Denying emotion or pretending you are a positive person thus cannot (or should not) feel anger can be extremely damaging.

For example, I have a friend who used to say he never got angry.  What he has realized over time is that he suppresses anger because he learned that anger=violence.  So for self-preservation, he made a conscious choice to never feel anger.  

Instead, those emotions were stored in his body. Those emotions created physical symptoms.  

Now–was that function beneficial and helpful to him over parts of his life? Absolutely.  Was it his best expression of health possible at the time?  For sure.  Can he (and you) learn to regulate emotions without suppressing them?  Of course.  Emotional Freedom Techniques is one of many ways you can learn to do that. (Here’s a 13 or 30-minute video if you want to see the science.)

Become your best self

What does that mean? My best self is aware, awake, and happy. It means I make choices from clarity and confidence instead of reactivity and fear. Talk to me if you want to hear more. Or, join one of my classes on Eventbrite.

Free Tapping Class for Loneliness

I am holding a free 4-week class on tapping for loneliness. You will learn to tap for yourself, AND how to apply these principles for all stresses in your life. Plus, the class is recorded so you can watch it anytime + go back to them. Contact me via Direct message, email, or text, and I will let you know when the final dates are scheduled..

With love and gratitude,

Dawn

Dawn with Hands on heart
Dawn

The Love of Connecting..But What About Touch?

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Connecting is a Core Strength

I am having WAY too much fun connecting and collaborating these days–even without touch.

When the first round of stay-at-home orders hit, I was thrilled to use my “free time” to be on zoom about twelve hours a day. I was co-writing another book, networking with my two favorite networking groups, as well as having online connects personally with those I kept intending to build relationships with.

I quickly burned out collaborating

Computers drain my energy. They make me irritable and restless if I’m not also doing regular exercise. At the time, I was busy pouting over a sprained ankle and a shoulder injury, so wasn’t working out. The only things that kept me sane were hugs from my roommate + a newfound coffee and chocolate compulsion. It was not the best choice for my physical health. Emotionally they helped, as coffee reminded me of friends in Europe.

I’ve adapted to Touch-Free

It’s like playtime when I’m interviewed for articles, podcasts, blogs, and newsletters. I have presented about The Touch Crisis virtually to groups in San Fransisco, California; Madison and Wausau, Wisconsin. I spoke for an International women’s networking group. I was a “Ted-Talk Style” speaker for Accelerated Global Connections.

Connecting can be easier when touch is involved. Most of us have reset our understanding of and need for healthy physical contact.

My Question for You

Touch Remedies back to back

Can you ask for what you need in this time? Can you let go of any fear and understand that healthy touch actually boosts the immune system? Seriously-they did a study exposing people to the flu and found the more hugs and better social support, the less likely people were to get sick.

When you see friends ask, “Would you like a handshake? Hug? Or for me to say six feet away?” It shows respect + you get to only throw in the options that suit you. You can also make it playful, “Are you receiving hugs today?” Instead of having an awkward moment, take charge and choose to connect.

If you need a hug or some healthy human contact, you know where to find me.

With love,

Dawn

Dawn with Hands on heart
Dawn
Dawn with Hands on heart
Dawn
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Healing & Hiking – the Latest Updates

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I’m Halfway!

I have officially hit the half-way mark with writing my book, and thank goodness I hired a content creation expert, Amanda Johnson, to help me.  I write in spurts of energy and enthusiasm, but then hit blocks.  I wonder how to phrase my ideas.  Are they too repetitive?  Will they trigger someone or make them feel uncomfortable?  I find myself getting upset as I poke around at old memories and lay them out for the world to see in an open and vulnerable way.  

Luckily, hiking grounds me back to the earth so I can breathe.  I also do a lot of tapping/EFT work with myself.  I’m even using my EFT practitioner once a month to help find deeper sources of patterns I cannot see on my own.  It’s been an invaluable tool of healing and processing emotion so I can neutralize the past and keep using those stories to help others.

I Like Getting Halfway

I started reading a book once called The Way you Do Anything is the Way you Do Everything.  I got about halfway through it, like I do with most books that are not fiction.  But the point was valid, and the video below I took reminds me of that book.

I started hiking a mountain, but hit snow.  I wasn’t sure, due to the melt, if I should walk across it or not.  I know a lot of these mountains have deep crevices and holes that are buried under snow, or streams that run deep underneath, creating potential pitfalls for the average hiker wandering alone.  I wandered at the same level for a long time, entertaining myself by building a small snowman, and taking pictures.  Then-I found tracks in the snow leading up.  So, I followed them.  I had planned a 3-4 hour hike round-trip.  The book had said 3.5 hours, 6.9 km (4.29 miles), but I had already deviated from the path and circled the mountain to a different path— a ninety-degree difference on the map. 

Should I Keep Hiking?

I kept going, bit by bit, checking in to see how it felt to go farther.  Was I going higher up because I wanted to?  Because I felt I should get to the top because I was already halfway? 

Nap on Kjølen

So, embracing my inner child, I just did what I felt like at the moment.  I took a rest on some rocks in the sun.  I thought about patterns of pushing myself for others.  How often I do things in life because others expect me to, want me to, or because I just want to prove that I can.  I forget to tune in sometimes. 

As I write this book that asks people to tune into their bodies as they learn to integrate physical contact into their life in a way that is both comfortable and consensual for everyone involved, I realized I better start doing that in all areas of my life.  Tune in.  Be present. Make choices. Say ‘no’ when I want to, even to myself, no excuses needed.

YAY! I did it!

Bug in snow
Hearty bug in the snow

I did make it to the top, after checking out a live bug hanging out on the snow with me, here and thinking about how I want to overcome and make a bigger impact on the world.  17.72 km (11.07 miles) and 6 hours later I was back at the bottom, waiting for the bus.

Perhaps, if I can allow myself to conquer the mountain bit by bit, using play and exploration to figure it out, I can do that with the book as well.  I can use the support of my coach, my friends, and my own healing tools and get it done.  No rush, no timeline.  Of course I’d love to have it done before I come home in January so I can focus on my business.  Yes, it would be amazing to have it done by November so people could have it for holidays.  It would be even more exquisite to have it done before I leave the safety of my friend’ s house in Norway in a week so I’m not stirring myself up and trying to travel at the same time. 

But, I am going to remain playful.  I am going to heal the world by balancing a wooden spoon on my nose. I’m going to try to be zen, or at least laugh, even when being surrounded by black flies while hiking a fjord.

Wooden spoon on nose
Wooden spoons are easy to balance.

I encourage you to do the same.  Find something that you do habitually, a pattern that exists in your life, and shift it to something that suits you more. That allows you peace and balance and freedom.  That allows you to tune into yourself and your relationships on all levels. Be prepared-bring a carrot along for the snowman you want to build, but upon finding no snow, eat it instead for energy.

My Question For You

What do you want to do different? Can you make small changes to make that happen?

Let me know how I can help you tune in.  You can email me from my contact page on my website, put a comment below, or give me a call.  My work phone works in Norway!  I would love to hear from you. I sometimes get the best service while I’m hiking, so that’s fun.

Trying to be zen with flies

With love,

Dawn

No snow today on Barden in Senja.
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Dawn
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Dawn with Hands on heart
Dawn

Expanding my Mind: Fun meandering through Scotland

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I just finished hiking the West Highland Way in northern Scotland. I’m going to split my trip experience into two blogs so I can share more of what I learned, the fun I had along the way, as well as more pictures.
 
My intention for this hike was to do as much of the 96 mile trail as I could before going to work at a hostel in Fort Williams, Scotland. I thought that in the 6 days I had available, I would get through six of the eight sections of the trail. No problem. However, since I was wild camping, which means that I was camping wherever the heck I felt like it, I was able to go a little bit farther every day if I had the energy, which I often did, so I finished it all. I met up with fun people on the trail and got to talk about life, the world, and everything. This blog is about the people that inspired me.
 
One couple that I met on day two of my hike was 836 miles into their 1180 mile hike that they had planned over three months. They were hiking trails from England to the north of Scotland, and their fun goal was to not hike on any paved roads. They had planned out their full adventure ahead of time, and with only a (fairly) small backpack on each of their backs, they managed to do an average of only 4 miles on a paved road for every hundred they traveled.  
 
This means that they often go out of their way and do trails that are not well-marked. They sometimes have to use GPS or hike through bogs. They were happy and joyful and exuberant to be together, and to see and explore so much on their time off. They shared their fire, their tea, and some port with me as we talked. They were mostly wild camping as well, but every 10 to 12 days would splurge for a hostel or a bed-and-breakfast. They told me great stories about people in England letting them camp in their backyards or in their gardens, as wild camping is not as acceptable there as it is in Scotland. I loved their playful adventurous spirit, and the trust that they had that everything would work out. And when it didn’t, they would find a way to make the best of it and have fun anyway. It’s what I strive to do, and it was so lovely to see a couple who was making this their journey for so many months together.
 
Another man that inspired me is one I ran into on my last day of my hike. I did 21 miles the day before, and was pushing through 15 miles with a 22-year-old from Amsterdam who was studying yoga and trying to figure out what to do with his life while finishing an economics and computer degree. But the man in question was living in Chicago, originally from India, and he was on day nine of his hike. What makes him so special? He was 76 years old, and full of smiles and joy. He was by himself, and was just going at the pace that he was comfortable with. It inspired me, because my goal in life is to keep moving for as long as I can. I’ve met 80-year-olds who downhill ski still.  It is easy to say that someone is too old to do an activity, or that is too dangerous. But if we keep our bodies moving, eat with some reasonable degree of healthiness, and keep our mental attitude young, we can do anything. Especially if we find a physical or mental activity that we are passionate about. Movement is life, and when we keep our minds curious and open, our bodies moving-at any pace, and keep healing and growing, I really believe we can embody more peace and happiness.
 
The 22-year-old from Amsterdam that I mentioned was hiking by himself. We talked about philosophy, and how to embrace peace within ourselves and in relationships. We talked about serious and sad subjects such as the Holocaust, and the type of separation and dissociation that needed to happen for that event to occur. We talked about the separation happening in current cultures, and the power of the words that are used in the news and the impact they have on our view of others. We talked about Gandhi, philosophies of  peace, and how different generations viewed and currently view relationships of all kinds. He inspired me to think about peace and violence in a different way. Many religions/spiritual teachings encourage nonviolence. But how do we practice non-violence towards ourselves? In other words… be compassionate and forgiving for your own actions and your own supposed shortcomings. Most of us are harder on ourselves than we are on others, including yours truly. My goal now is to remember to be as forgiving to myself as I am to others, and to remember that I’m always doing the best I can. I even read that in a book called The Four Agreements many years ago! But for me it’s an easy one to forget, even with the healing work I do with my practitioners.
 
I hope this blog inspires you to have fun, be kinder to yourself, be more loving and compassionate to others, and to move through life with ease and grace, no matter your age, no matter your circumstances, and no matter your struggles. Everything can be overcome because you are strong and powerful human. And if you need a reminder of that, just read that sentence again or ask your best friend how awesome you are. 🙂 Following are some pictures that I’m sorry I can’t label right now because I’m using my phone as my only computer.
 
With LOVE and peace, Dawn

 

Hiking with newfound friends