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Tag Archives: touch foundations

Saying ‘Yes’ to a Person and ‘No’ to Touch

Touch Remedies Posted on January 3, 2021 by Touch RemediesJanuary 3, 2021

Saying ‘Yes’ and ‘No’

“Are you accepting hugs?” I asked my friend, Jason, at the ski hill just before he opened his arms to welcome me into his space.  I had been running into people I hadn’t seen in over nine months my first day back at the slopes, and had enjoyed the variety of connection opportunities.

After sharing a lovely hug, I turned to a nearby acquaintance of ours.  He was sitting distant to everyone, drinking a beer, and before I could even open my mouth to say hello, he looked at me sternly, held up his hands, and crossed his fingers towards my face.  

What the hell?  I thought, immediately offended.  I’m sure he heard and saw me ask for permission before entering Jason’s space. I wasn’t going to bombard him with a hug.

“Hey there,” I said to him. He’s frightened I’m sure, and probably didn’t mean ill wishes towards me. He just stared at me, nodded his head, and turned back to his beer. 

The fact he wants space doesn’t bother me, I thought. It was the look combined with the gesture, as if he was warding off evil. I know in Japan it is the gesture to ask for a check, but here I take it as a rude “get away from me.” 

Saying ‘Yes’ While Asking For Space

Namaste

There have been various versions of this scenario throughout the pandemic; although this was the most off-putting and rude way someone has asked for space, I can’t help but remember that many of us have not learned how to say ‘yes’ to a person while maintaining distance.  In other words, how to acknowledge another person’s presence while simply and honestly stating one’s boundaries. 

I have seen people place hands together in a gentle ‘namaste’ as a greeting.  Others simply state they are maintaining physical distance.  I have seen people wave or step back with a gentle verbal reminder that they would like some space.  To me, these seem like gentle ways to address the desire for connection (a yes to the person) while asking for distance.  

It’s Different with Strangers–Or Can Be

With strangers I have had the experience of people shrinking away in fear if I walk too close on a hiking trail; others just step off the trail and wait for me to pass-or vice versa.  I have seen people get out of line at the grocery store if someone is too close, while others wait (patiently) for an isle to be vacant before entering themselves. There is not necessarily a need to say ‘yes’ to a stranger, but one can choose the level of grace and fear that accompanies non-verbal communication.

Saying ‘Yes’ as A Skill

Saying ‘yes’ to a person and ‘no’ to touch is a communication skill that was important way before this pandemic.  Have you ever had to redirect a child who wants to be held while you are occupied?  Perhaps you have said something like, “Not now, honey, can you wait until after dinner?”  Or, “I know you want to be on my lap right now, but I have to finish folding this laundry.”  

Redirecting and saying ‘yes’ to a person goes beyond physical contact as well.  Has your partner been focused on a project while you are trying to ask a question and said, “Can you wait a minute to talk about this until I’m done so I can give you my full attention?”  Or, “I’ll help you as soon as I’m finished with this?”  

I’m sure you’ve acknowledged someone’s presence or need for attention or an answer while also asking for a pause, for a moment or two until the timing is better.  

This is saying ‘yes’ to a person and ‘no’ to the interruption.  It is saying in a subtle way, “Hey, I hear you and I want to respond, but if you can wait a bit, I can engage in a manner that is more authentic, more thoughtful, more connected.”

We All Make Mistakes in Communication

Do we make mistakes consciously and subconsciously with communication verbally and non-verbally?  Of course.  Can each of us take offense to something that is not meant to be offensive?  Absolutely.  I did.  

My Question For You

How can you choose to state your boundaries more clearly with those you interact with?  When I teach classes about healthy touch and communication, we often discuss offering a series of options to another that suit your own boundaries.  “Would you like…a high-five? Fist-bump? Handshake?  Hug?”  

Giving a few options within your own comfort level can be a helpful guide to the other whilst showing respect for their own boundaries.  Or, clearly stating before any error is made, “I would love to give you a hug/ handshake, but I am choosing to maintain distancing at the moment. But it is lovely to see you.”  Clear communication not only takes the awkwardness out of  a situation, but shows a level of caring and respect.  

Comfort Levels Change Around Touch

Permissions can also change day-by-day.  A person who wants a hug on Monday may feel a bit sensitive on Friday, or may be starting to distance before they visit an elderly relative.  It doesn’t hurt to ask.  You can even make it playful! Find a few phrases that fit your boundaries and personality for the next time you run into someone you know.  And remember, if someone says ‘no,’ don’t take it personally.  Even if they come across rude or angry.  After all, we are all doing the best we can at the moment; that too, needs to be respected.

Questions? Feel free to contact me directly or join one of my classes about healthy touch based off my book, The Touch Crisis.

With love,

Dawn

Nature of Relationships
Dawn with Hands on heart
Dawn
Nature of Relationships
Dawn with Hands on heart
Dawn
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Posted in Cultures and Communities, Relationships, The Touch Crisis, Touch Remedies | Tagged body language, boundaries, communication, connection, healthy relationships, healthy touch, physical distancing, relationships matter, saying no, the touch crisis, touch foundations, touch remedies | Leave a reply

The Love of Connecting..But What About Touch?

Touch Remedies Posted on December 1, 2020 by Dawn BDecember 27, 2020

Connecting is a Core Strength

I am having WAY too much fun connecting and collaborating these days–even without touch.

When the first round of stay-at-home orders hit, I was thrilled to use my “free time” to be on zoom about twelve hours a day. I was co-writing another book, networking with my two favorite networking groups, as well as having online connects personally with those I kept intending to build relationships with.

I quickly burned out collaborating

Computers drain my energy. They make me irritable and restless if I’m not also doing regular exercise. At the time, I was busy pouting over a sprained ankle and a shoulder injury, so wasn’t working out. The only things that kept me sane were hugs from my roommate + a newfound coffee and chocolate compulsion. It was not the best choice for my physical health. Emotionally they helped, as coffee reminded me of friends in Europe.

I’ve adapted to Touch-Free

It’s like playtime when I’m interviewed for articles, podcasts, blogs, and newsletters. I have presented about The Touch Crisis virtually to groups in San Fransisco, California; Madison and Wausau, Wisconsin. I spoke for an International women’s networking group. I was a “Ted-Talk Style” speaker for Accelerated Global Connections.

Connecting can be easier when touch is involved. Most of us have reset our understanding of and need for healthy physical contact.

My Question for You

Touch Remedies back to back

Can you ask for what you need in this time? Can you let go of any fear and understand that healthy touch actually boosts the immune system? Seriously-they did a study exposing people to the flu and found the more hugs and better social support, the less likely people were to get sick.

When you see friends ask, “Would you like a handshake? Hug? Or for me to say six feet away?” It shows respect + you get to only throw in the options that suit you. You can also make it playful, “Are you receiving hugs today?” Instead of having an awkward moment, take charge and choose to connect.

If you need a hug or some healthy human contact, you know where to find me.

With love,

Dawn

Nature of Relationships
Dawn with Hands on heart
Dawn
Nature of Relationships
Dawn with Hands on heart
Dawn
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Posted in Healthy Lifestyles, Relationships, The Touch Crisis, Touch Remedies | Tagged community, connection, emotional freedom, healthy touch, immunity, relationships matter, self care, the touch crisis, touch foundations, touch memories, touch remedies, touch-free | Leave a reply

Sweden vs Home: Preparing for the Next Journey

Touch Remedies Posted on June 17, 2018 by Dawn BDecember 27, 2020

This Swedish traveler just finished about an 18 mile hike on the ice age trail, which runs from Taylors Falls, MN/St. Croix Falls WI to Michigan. The purpose of this hike was to test out all of my gear that I’m bringing to Sweden with me for camping, make sure I’m okay carrying 30+ pounds on my back over rough terrain for a long distance, and to try to settle my mind.

A small waterfall on the hike in MN

I picked up the trail at Highway 8 and 35 in Wisconsin, hiked 8 miles into a camp near Lions Park, and spent the night there. It turns out all my gear works wonderfully, and I have enough strength and stamina to handle excursions such as this.  On the way back I took a detour on the Trail of Myths. This was a 2 mile up-and-down hike through some lovely old values with ferns, rivers, and lots and lots of up-and-down hill stretches.

Just another stream along Sweden’s hiking trail

One reason I wanted to post about this as well as posting pictures is the similarity of landscape between here and Sweden. As I’ve mentioned to many of you, there’s a reason why Swedish ancestors from Gotland settled here.   I included couple pictures of my previous hike in Sweden, as well as my current hike here in St. Croix Falls. It’s lovely to feel so connected to both places at once and realize that the similarities if I get homesick, all I have to do is run out into the woods and pretend I am back in Minnesota.

Unless it’s snowing. Then I can just look at the snow and pretend I’m in Minnesota.   I’m on the countdown and have 8 days until I fly out. It’s been hard to leave my massage clients and close my offices. I’ve started saying my final goodbyes to many of my friends and am facing the final goodbye to my family and those closest to me soon. However, I am confident this transition will go smooth. I’m excited to share with you everything that I’ve learned and am learning about as I explore culture differences in aspects including health, healing, and relationships. It’s become very clear to me that one of my specialties is to help people emotionally reengage in their personal, professional, and societal relationships. 

Guess-Sweden or Minnesota?

I’ve started studying how we view touch as an American culture and am curious to remind myself and to get a deeper understanding of how touch is viewed in other countries. I know Swedish culture has similar touch ideas but are also more relaxed about their bodies and body image.  There is not so much shame associated with physicality.

Healthy touch is  important for physical, mental, and emotional growth.  I am clear that I will have to do my own healing work around what happens when I am suddenly no longer able to receive the same level of touch that I am accustomed to (hugs from family, friends, massages, and so on). I know it’s a challenge for many people when they break up with significant others, have a death in the family, move away to college, and so on, but this will be my first real experience in many years dealing with a sudden shift in close relationships.  

Until I am there, I can only guess at what I will experience, how the meaning and feel of home will shift for me, and how much I’m going to have to use my EFT (tapping) tool to help process. I’m also curious how someone who loves communication so much will fare speaking Swedish.  It

Me & my gear after 16 miles

makes me happy to share my experiences with you as I travel, and look forward to the continued journey together. 

With Love,
Dawn

Nature of Relationships
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Dawn
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Posted in Cultures and Communities, Europe, Healthy Lifestyles, Hiking & Healing, Touch Remedies | Tagged backpacking europe, eft Tapping, healthy touch, HIking, minnesota, touch foundations, touch remedies | Leave a reply
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