Have you ever been pushed out of or separated from a group that you really felt part of? Maybe you have experienced this in sports, in school, in religious community, in friendships, in your neighborhood, or over this pandemic. I’ve worked with people who have had this painful experience, but only recently has it happened to me in a way that broke my heart.
Break-up x 100 = Devastation
I’m surprisingly devastated, and it’s like 100 friends have broken up with me at the same time. To be honest, this group that I perceived and experienced as loving and spiritual has its own agenda. They schedule things and then move them with little to no notice (which is what happened.)
I Paid to Be Part of Something
I planned my travel and my whole work schedule around this spiritual journey; the time it is offered has been moved with only five days notice. Instead of participating in the 25 classes in-person where I can ask questions and build relationships, I now will have to watch the replays.
It feels disrespectful and personal, even though it has nothing to do with me. The odd thing is, many of the communities I have been part of have pushed me away, attacked me, or shamed me recently. Enough that I got very ill and depressed and was unable to function for days. I sat on the earth one day and observed myself and how I was feeling and thought, “Is this how people feel when they decide to commit suicide?” Although I wasn’t suicidal, I had never felt the depth of hopelessness I did in that moment. I questioned everything I was doing in the world as well as my purpose in it.
What’s the Lesson?
I’m trying to figure that out. As a person who really loves people, who is writing a book on the importance of community and connection and communication and empathy and love, it almost feels like a test. Do I believe what I say? Or am I the painter who never paints her house? Perhaps I talk so much about love and connection because I am trying to create it for myself.
Is It Safe To Love?
Is it worth the heartbreak? Am I expecting too much of my fellow humans? I don’t think so. I do think at the core everyone wants to be loved. Individuals are loveable. But so many messages from our infancy on teach us that love is conditional. We are not enough. Love isn’t to be trusted. Community is a place you go to find others, but must ‘Do’ to be ‘part of’.
Creating a Powerful Story
After writing this, I am considering the possibility that I am experiencing these losses over and over so I can channel the isolation energy as I write this book. I was fairly sheltered during the pandemic, but this mirrors many of the experiences of those I have talked to.
Doing My Work
I’ve already done some EFT Tapping around it and prayerful meditation. That’s when I decided to write this blog. Now, I’m off to do yoga and move the rest of this energy out before I continue to write my book.
Do You Resonate?
I’d love to hear your stories about connection and disconnection, loneliness and isolation. It is something we all experience sometimes, so why don’t we talk about it more? How do you find ways to connect when you feel like no one cares? Drop me a line. Let’s chat.
“The body is what we perceive existence through. The temple of the body perceives the rest of creation. Our whole existence is about perception.” This page is available ONLY to Premium and Elite members. Enjoy! Classes Available As Part of…
I found myself triggered by the words as my friend walked out the door. Vacation! Does everyone think I just go on vacation all the time? Don’t they know how much I’m working to build a new practice and write a book?
Strong emotional reactions, sometimes called triggers, to anything in the outside world is often a reflection to the crap we are sensitive to because of our own subconscious beliefs or values. They can be a great (and sometimes painful) pointer to the unhealed parts of us.
I reacted because somewhere my ego wanted me to remember or feel I’m not working hard enough, I’m not successful enough, and I’m not doing enough. I “should” do more. It also has to do with my perception of how people interpret my lifestyle.
Being a Digital Nomad vs. Taking a Vacation
The innocuous ‘vacation’ statement and genuine expression of love and caring would not have been emotionally reactive for me had I healed some past judgments. When I tell people I’m a part-time digital nomad, they react differently than when I say I’m working from my truck and campgrounds across the US.
Some people react as if I must be destitute to be living out of my old truck and boondocking. Others think it’s the coolest thing ever. I’m doing the same thing- it’s THEIR perception of my experience. Although I do want to maintain a certain professional image, I also have to remember that they are viewing my life through their own filters, and if I’m upset by the way they view me— that’s the issue I need to address within myself.
Healing My Own Baggage
I did some Emotional Freedom Techniques tapping and healing work around my own patterns and beliefs around how hard I have to work and what it had to look like. Then came a powerful moment of clarity.
Every Day Can Be Like Vacation | Do What You Love and Don’t Work a Day…
I CAN treat every day like it was vacation. Not in a way that I ignore work or lay on the beach with margaritas or turn off my phone (even when I want to). I can choose to face every day with excitement and dedication to live and do the things I want to do. To be curious about how to make it more powerful for myself. Not that I ignore or avoid the challenges, but that I meet them also with openness, patience, and curiosity.
Take a Break!
It’s healthy to use more time practicing yoga and walking on a trail. When I’m traveling I sometimes work on my computer all day from the seat of my truck and watch the sun move from one side of the sky to another; finishing just in time to realize that my dreams of hiking for the day are gone with the light. It’s too dark to wander into the unknown wilderness
Live Every Day as If It’s Your Last
What if we all enjoyed daily life? You hear tropes like ‘live every day like it’s your last,’ ‘take time to breathe,’ and ‘do what you love,’ but do we do that? Do you unhook the emotional reactions and belief systems to freely, confidently, and without guilt choose that kind of life? I slowed down when I was in Europe. The American lifestyle has shifted me into a hectic pace.
Make The Choice
My choice is made. I choose to continue working hard, to doing what I love, to writing my books. But I also choose to come at it with an attitude as if I’m on vacation and enjoying every moment of it. After all, it’s not about what you do, it’s about how you perceive it.
Need Help Slowing Down?
EFT Tapping is great for all the emotional reactions that arise when you even consider changing your lifestyle. Contact me if you would like some support!
Words Have Power. That’s why they call it spelling.
I really believe that statement and, beyond filler words, often use my words carefully. However some days I’m more attentive to what comes out of my mouth than others.
Chaos Abounds and Emotions are High
I thrive in high-pressure and chaos. Yet, I’ve been unusually sensitive for a couple weeks, so instead of rolling with the interruptions and sudden changes, I’ve found myself fiery and emotional. I’ve been digging up some deep stuff that needs healing around past relationships and my book writing expectations– just as I throw myself back into the mix. I was doing my EFT tapping by myself and with my practitioners and things were pretty darn good.
How’s It To Be Back?
It’s fun to be back in Minnesota, but due to the chaos I had temporarily enveloped myself in, I kept telling people my life was a bit like a shit show.
Not So Funny
I thought it was funny to say. I must have said it a dozen times. “It’s a bit of a Shit Show.” Even though it wasn’t. I’m in a beautiful house dog-sitting for two weeks. I have amazing clients, friends, and colleagues, and have had so much fun reconnecting. Except for the cold snap keeping me from the outdoors, I am loving life.
I Love Dogs
I grew up with a Labrador as my trusty sidekick. He went everywhere I went. So when one of the dogs started doing the ‘scootch the butt across the floor’ thing- I didn’t think anything of it. It’s normal, right?
The Web We Weave
Unbeknownst to me, his hair was matting together in his nether-region and was creating a perfect net/web in which to catch and hold poo. Two days later— the denouement.
I won’t horrify you with details- I’m sure your imagination can fill in the gaps. Let’s just say ‘Shit Show’ is an appropriate description of a few days of my life.
What Words Do You Use?
Our words Do create our reality. How do you use words to describe yourself? Your kids? Your relationships and loved ones? Do you find yourself, even jokingly, calling yourself or others dumb, stupid, lazy, forgetful? Are you judgmental about others and their beliefs? Do you find yourself angry, upset, frustrated, annoyed, scared, or otherwise triggered by others or the news?
I’d love to hear how you use your words to manifest-for the “good” or “bad.” If you want support creating more positivity, abundance, and healing for yourself, let’s chat! As you know, I love to help.
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