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Tag Archives: healthy relationships

Denying Support Does Not Make You Independent and Strong

Touch Remedies Posted on June 10, 2021 by Touch RemediesSeptember 28, 2021

I had a series of mishaps Tuesday beginning with an injury and followed by a theft.  My friend, Coach Les Hill, was gracious enough to offer support in a variety of ways. Someone stole my motorcycle gloves; he offered me another pair. I hurt my leg and a very very deep bruise was starting. The remedies I had been using to care for myself had been stolen as well. He offered an extra level of support with topical arnica. 

Belief Systems Stirred

trail

The hardest thing was not that the theft or injury happened, but that it stirred up a deep belief I’ve been working on with my colleagues using EFT tapping and homeopathy. The belief?  People take advantage and steal my energy via time, stuff, and money if I’m not 100% attentive.  

I know where the source of this belief is, and it’s about 80% less potent. Every time the trigger occurs it is less emotional and impactful.  

Energy Returns Through Others’ Care

How do you allow others to care for and support you? I used to think accepting help from others made me weak. Or it meant I owed them something because I should create equality in energy.  There was a distrust that others were giving freely; I had learned that many people, especially guys when I was younger (sorry but true), expected something in return. I boldly turned down all help offered, stubbornly taking care of everything in my life myself.  It’s all different for me now. I choose to accept support. It’s pure awesomeness. It refills my energy cup. It allows me to give to others.

Can You Have King/Queen Treatment?

First, some of us are taught that accepting help creates vulnerability. Second, we learn from our childhood experiences what attachment to a loved one looks like. Many learn being treated well is not safe; kindness is a manipulation tool. Third, some learn being treated well was fleeting—perhaps one sober minute we are the apple of our parents eye, and the next minute we are backhanded.  Or worse. That can all be healed.

Even without abuse, many of us subconsciously learn we don’t deserve. That we aren’t worthy. In my relationship and intimacy training, my teacher says that the hardest thing for men and women to accept in a healthy relationship is their partner treating them like a king or queen.  However, we all deserve that level of care from those we love; it does not make one less of a man or less of a woman. In fact, it’s a key part of connection and relationships.  

Receiving Helps Others

For example: If I try to show you love and care through help and support, and every time I try you turn it down, I may feel unloved. If my love language is acts of service, and you don’t allow me to help you, I may feel unimportant or as if you were pushing me away. 

Obviously there’s boundaries with everything, and there are times when people do give to manipulate, or they are being boundary-less and it can be too much. However, I encourage you to look within yourself. Can you receive gifts, help, and support graciously?  Do you allow it to create connection? Do you know that you deserve it?

Another Crash, Another Injury

trail

In conclusion, I felt the support again when I crashed again this morning on a trail. I was extra grateful to still have this Arnica on hand. Above all else, be kind to yourself. Allow others to be good to you. Let’s have conversation about how you can have more support, care, and connection in your life.   Schedule here.  

Better Intimate Relationships

Mastering the art of receiving support gracefully and knowing you deserve it will also have a positive influence on your partnerships, your marriage, and your future relationships. It will create more connection and communication between you and your partner. How do I know? I’ve experienced it myself as I have shifted beliefs using EFT tapping, and I’ve seen my own clients have powerful changes in their confidence and connection. Ready to explore that for yourself? Then let’s chat.

With love,

Dawn

Nature of Relationships
Dawn with Hands on heart
Dawn
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Posted in EFT Tapping, Relationships, Touch Remedies, Women | Tagged accepting help, attachment styles, be kind to yourself, being independent, belief systems, denying support, eft Tapping, healing relationships, healthy relationships, independent women, love language, relationships matter, strength and indepedence, subconscious belief, support, vulnerability | Leave a reply

The Little Things Add Up

Touch Remedies Posted on February 26, 2021 by Touch RemediesFebruary 27, 2021
Golden Canyon, Death Valley

I explored Death Valley National Park Thursday.  I was high-energy, motivated, and feeling playful.  After a longer hike in the morning I had plenty of energy left, so kept exploring.  With the sun high in the sky, rock music playing on the radio, and coffee in hand–because those little things added to the amazing energy–I decided to knock out a couple of scenic drives that had some small walks and overlooks.  When I got back to my campsite, I was a bit tired, and climbed into my tent to do some stretching before starting the bonfire.  I woke at 1 am, wondering what had happened, and why I was so exhausted.  

Little Things Add Up  

Years of water forms beautiful spiraled canyons

Looking back, I had knocked out almost 15 miles of hiking, mostly in mountainous and hilly terrain. No wonder!  This happens in all areas of our lives, especially in personal and professional relationships.  Those little things we say to others;  the small ways in which we are critical, or in which we don’t ask for our own needs to be met; those unspoken expectations that create a feeling of being unloved, unwanted, or unappreciated. Little things can become really big things–the same the way water can carve through rock little by little over time.

It’s Different For Everyone

Some people love getting praise and appreciation for their efforts and it spurs them to do more and be better; others do not-and it can even make them feel embarrassed and unmotivated to do it again.  I am not one to be motivated by praise.  I had a partner that was, so I had to make a conscious choice to think about giving him what he needed. 

Are You Being Polite?

Some of us, especially in midwestern culture, were taught (via example and words) to be nice, polite, or stoic.  We were subtly taught to not ask for what we want; in fact, we often were shown by example to politely turn down offers a couple times before accepting something we did.  Or that it’s polite to offer over and over again if another turns us down, just in case. How odd is that?  

It Is Not Rude to Say Yes to What You Want

I don’t believe we have to give up our own needs to be kind to others.  It’s also not rude to accept another person’s offer if we really want to.  I’m also not saying you should never compromise, or that consciously choosing to do for another is bad.

However, for healthy relationships to exist, you MUST be comfortable communicating what you want and need.  Period.  To do that, you must also be AWARE of what you want and need and overcome any emotional hesitation to speaking that truth.

Start With the Little Things

EFT Tapping can help you speak your truth.  I can help you clear those hesitations and brain patterns that have you automatically saying no when you mean yes. You can have everything you want  if you can clearly ask for it.  That means you also have to believe you deserve it.  That you are worth it.  That in a healthy relationship of any kind, others want to give back to you—even if their way looks different. 

Don’t Exhaust Yourself

Click Here to Register!

When you find yourself feeling disconnected or unappreciated in any kind of relationship (personal, professional, or intimate) give me a call.  More often than not EFT tapping can clear the little things that are adding up to those big emotions.  

Little things matter.  You matter.  Let me help.  Call me or join my upcoming EFT Tapping class now!  It’s only $17 + 48 hours before class starts–you will receive a link to get a second person in FOR FREE.  I’m here for you.

With love,

Dawn

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Nature of Relationships
Dawn with Hands on heart
Dawn
Posted in EFT Tapping, Hiking & Healing, Relationships, Touch Remedies | Tagged dawn bennett, death valley, eft Tapping, emotional freedom techniques, healing, healthy relationships, high energy, HIking, minnesota nice, relationships, the touch crisis, touch remedies

Saying ‘Yes’ to a Person and ‘No’ to Touch

Touch Remedies Posted on January 3, 2021 by Touch RemediesJanuary 3, 2021

Saying ‘Yes’ and ‘No’

“Are you accepting hugs?” I asked my friend, Jason, at the ski hill just before he opened his arms to welcome me into his space.  I had been running into people I hadn’t seen in over nine months my first day back at the slopes, and had enjoyed the variety of connection opportunities.

After sharing a lovely hug, I turned to a nearby acquaintance of ours.  He was sitting distant to everyone, drinking a beer, and before I could even open my mouth to say hello, he looked at me sternly, held up his hands, and crossed his fingers towards my face.  

What the hell?  I thought, immediately offended.  I’m sure he heard and saw me ask for permission before entering Jason’s space. I wasn’t going to bombard him with a hug.

“Hey there,” I said to him. He’s frightened I’m sure, and probably didn’t mean ill wishes towards me. He just stared at me, nodded his head, and turned back to his beer. 

The fact he wants space doesn’t bother me, I thought. It was the look combined with the gesture, as if he was warding off evil. I know in Japan it is the gesture to ask for a check, but here I take it as a rude “get away from me.” 

Saying ‘Yes’ While Asking For Space

Namaste

There have been various versions of this scenario throughout the pandemic; although this was the most off-putting and rude way someone has asked for space, I can’t help but remember that many of us have not learned how to say ‘yes’ to a person while maintaining distance.  In other words, how to acknowledge another person’s presence while simply and honestly stating one’s boundaries. 

I have seen people place hands together in a gentle ‘namaste’ as a greeting.  Others simply state they are maintaining physical distance.  I have seen people wave or step back with a gentle verbal reminder that they would like some space.  To me, these seem like gentle ways to address the desire for connection (a yes to the person) while asking for distance.  

It’s Different with Strangers–Or Can Be

With strangers I have had the experience of people shrinking away in fear if I walk too close on a hiking trail; others just step off the trail and wait for me to pass-or vice versa.  I have seen people get out of line at the grocery store if someone is too close, while others wait (patiently) for an isle to be vacant before entering themselves. There is not necessarily a need to say ‘yes’ to a stranger, but one can choose the level of grace and fear that accompanies non-verbal communication.

Saying ‘Yes’ as A Skill

Saying ‘yes’ to a person and ‘no’ to touch is a communication skill that was important way before this pandemic.  Have you ever had to redirect a child who wants to be held while you are occupied?  Perhaps you have said something like, “Not now, honey, can you wait until after dinner?”  Or, “I know you want to be on my lap right now, but I have to finish folding this laundry.”  

Redirecting and saying ‘yes’ to a person goes beyond physical contact as well.  Has your partner been focused on a project while you are trying to ask a question and said, “Can you wait a minute to talk about this until I’m done so I can give you my full attention?”  Or, “I’ll help you as soon as I’m finished with this?”  

I’m sure you’ve acknowledged someone’s presence or need for attention or an answer while also asking for a pause, for a moment or two until the timing is better.  

This is saying ‘yes’ to a person and ‘no’ to the interruption.  It is saying in a subtle way, “Hey, I hear you and I want to respond, but if you can wait a bit, I can engage in a manner that is more authentic, more thoughtful, more connected.”

We All Make Mistakes in Communication

Do we make mistakes consciously and subconsciously with communication verbally and non-verbally?  Of course.  Can each of us take offense to something that is not meant to be offensive?  Absolutely.  I did.  

My Question For You

How can you choose to state your boundaries more clearly with those you interact with?  When I teach classes about healthy touch and communication, we often discuss offering a series of options to another that suit your own boundaries.  “Would you like…a high-five? Fist-bump? Handshake?  Hug?”  

Giving a few options within your own comfort level can be a helpful guide to the other whilst showing respect for their own boundaries.  Or, clearly stating before any error is made, “I would love to give you a hug/ handshake, but I am choosing to maintain distancing at the moment. But it is lovely to see you.”  Clear communication not only takes the awkwardness out of  a situation, but shows a level of caring and respect.  

Comfort Levels Change Around Touch

Permissions can also change day-by-day.  A person who wants a hug on Monday may feel a bit sensitive on Friday, or may be starting to distance before they visit an elderly relative.  It doesn’t hurt to ask.  You can even make it playful! Find a few phrases that fit your boundaries and personality for the next time you run into someone you know.  And remember, if someone says ‘no,’ don’t take it personally.  Even if they come across rude or angry.  After all, we are all doing the best we can at the moment; that too, needs to be respected.

Questions? Feel free to contact me directly or join one of my classes about healthy touch based off my book, The Touch Crisis.

With love,

Dawn

Nature of Relationships
Dawn with Hands on heart
Dawn
Nature of Relationships
Dawn with Hands on heart
Dawn
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Posted in Cultures and Communities, Relationships, The Touch Crisis, Touch Remedies | Tagged body language, boundaries, communication, connection, healthy relationships, healthy touch, physical distancing, relationships matter, saying no, the touch crisis, touch foundations, touch remedies | Leave a reply
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