subconscious belief Archives

Denying Support Does Not Make You Independent and Strong

Posted on June 10, 2021 by Touch RemediesSeptember 28, 2021

I had a series of mishaps Tuesday beginning with an injury and followed by a theft. My friend, Coach Les Hill, was gracious enough to offer support in a variety of ways. Someone stole my motorcycle gloves; he offered me another pair. I hurt my leg and a very very deep bruise was starting. The remedies I had been using to care for myself had been stolen as well. He offered an extra level of support with topical arnica.

Belief Systems Stirred

The hardest thing was not that the theft or injury happened, but that it stirred up a deep belief I’ve been working on with my colleagues using EFT tapping and homeopathy. The belief? People take advantage and steal my energy via time, stuff, and money if I’m not 100% attentive.

I know where the source of this belief is, and it’s about 80% less potent. Every time the trigger occurs it is less emotional and impactful.

Energy Returns Through Others’ Care

How do you allow others to care for and support you? I used to think accepting help from others made me weak. Or it meant I owed them something because I should create equality in energy. There was a distrust that others were giving freely; I had learned that many people, especially guys when I was younger (sorry but true), expected something in return. I boldly turned down all help offered, stubbornly taking care of everything in my life myself. It’s all different for me now. I choose to accept support. It’s pure awesomeness. It refills my energy cup. It allows me to give to others.

Can You Have King/Queen Treatment?

First, some of us are taught that accepting help creates vulnerability. Second, we learn from our childhood experiences what attachment to a loved one looks like. Many learn being treated well is not safe; kindness is a manipulation tool. Third, some learn being treated well was fleeting—perhaps one sober minute we are the apple of our parents eye, and the next minute we are backhanded. Or worse. That can all be healed.

Even without abuse, many of us subconsciously learn we don’t deserve. That we aren’t worthy. In my relationship and intimacy training, my teacher says that the hardest thing for men and women to accept in a healthy relationship is their partner treating them like a king or queen. However, we all deserve that level of care from those we love; it does not make one less of a man or less of a woman. In fact, it’s a key part of connection and relationships.

Receiving Helps Others

For example: If I try to show you love and care through help and support, and every time I try you turn it down, I may feel unloved. If my love language is acts of service, and you don’t allow me to help you, I may feel unimportant or as if you were pushing me away.

Obviously there’s boundaries with everything, and there are times when people do give to manipulate, or they are being boundary-less and it can be too much. However, I encourage you to look within yourself. Can you receive gifts, help, and support graciously? Do you allow it to create connection? Do you know that you deserve it?

Another Crash, Another Injury

In conclusion, I felt the support again when I crashed again this morning on a trail. I was extra grateful to still have this Arnica on hand. Above all else, be kind to yourself. Allow others to be good to you. Let’s have conversation about how you can have more support, care, and connection in your life. Schedule here.

Better Intimate Relationships

Mastering the art of receiving support gracefully and knowing you deserve it will also have a positive influence on your partnerships, your marriage, and your future relationships. It will create more connection and communication between you and your partner. How do I know? I’ve experienced it myself as I have shifted beliefs using EFT tapping, and I’ve seen my own clients have powerful changes in their confidence and connection. Ready to explore that for yourself? Then let’s chat.

With love,

Dawn

What Makes a Good Relationship?

Posted on November 29, 2020 by Dawn BNovember 29, 2020

Do Relationships need to be Difficult?

I knew I would delve deep into each relationship challenge in my past as soon as I started writing a book on touch and relationships. In the Hoffman Process I learned how to evaluate and transform patterns (beliefs, habits, etc.) learned from my parents.

I got to examine what my subconscious beliefs were and to decide what I wanted out of my life. It helped me understand where my sensitivities and triggers were and why. Hoffman allowed me to make healthier choices for myself and regain my strength.

It changed how I approached relationships. It improved my self-awareness so I could communicate at an even higher level than I used to. I stopped self-sabotaging as well (usually.) Relationships became easier and stronger.

Is there a Soulmate out there?

I’m taking a course called Learning 2 Find Love for my next certification in Emotional Freedom Techniques (a.k.a. EFT or tapping.) As many of you know, I love looking at myself, my beliefs, and my patterns in deep and new ways.

I thought this class would be a breeze

After all–I’ve already done tons of work on what I want in a partner. I know the non-negotiables, how I want to feel, and how I demand to be treated. I learned how to communicate clearly (and also that I cannot be with someone who cannot communicate.)

Week three and I’ve had some big AHA moments.

After identifying traits we knew we wanted in a partner (via looking at what did and didn’t work in past relationships), we put them into a grid to determine what traits were most important. Alina, the instructor, described it like choosing different ice cream flavors. For example, do I like chocolate ice cream or cherry ice cream better? Some days one may sound better than another, but both are delicious.

It turns out I value playfulness more than communication.

In fact– being playful, being high-energy, and possessing self-awareness were all more important. That doesn’t mean that I’ve thrown high-level communication out the window (it was, after all, #4 of my top 5). I haven’t LOOKED for playfulness as a quality in a partner, and it was often missing in my past relationships. Instead, I played the role of caretaker or mother.

I have lots of playful, child-like qualities myself

At forty+, I still build snowmen and have conversations with them. Climbing a tree or spinning on a tire swing makes me laugh . In The Touch Crisis I discuss being curious and child-like in exploration around physical contact. Finding play in your own connection to others is important. So why have I dated so many people that only want me to be an adult and show my serious side? Because I had this HUGE blind spot.

Where is your relationship blind spot?

There is another Learning 2 Find Love course being held in February if YOU are interested in doing some of this work in a group. You can set up a time to talk with me if you are interested in learning more. Perhaps you are interested in starting this process for yourself now. I need case studies for certification, so will also be offering a discount if you participate.

Is my soulmate on the way?

According to all the tarot readings I’m seeing online, YES! LOL. Seriously though, whether he is or not, the extra clarity I have found is worth it’s weight in gold. I already knew I would not waste more of my valuable time in a relationship that didn’t suit me. My vision is more clear now.

You deserve a joyful relationship.

With gratitude,