When’s the last time you were in an emotional funk? Looking at past situations that still make us emotional–angry, sad, frustrated, scared, etc–can be liberating. Avoiding healing can put us into a temporary funk until we choose to get rid of the old and embrace the new.
Always more self to explore
No matter how much work I do on myself and clearing old patterns, beliefs, and messages, it seems there is always a way to explore more deeply. It’s really rewarding!
Take for example, family relationships. I come from an amazing supportive family, but I still created beliefs of I’m not good enough and I have to work hard to be loved when I was a child. Emotional Freedom Techniques (a.k.a EFT or tapping), homeopathy, and the Hoffman Process have all been instrumental in changing that.
Some people aren’t as lucky. I have many women come for EFT tapping with a history of abuse, physical or emotional abandonment, and/or neglect. These powerful, strong women learn to move through their past and embrace their power, strength, and joy. Whereas holidays used to be torturous, they are now peaceful.
For some, death has separated family and created unexpected loneliness and grief. Others avoid family at all costs. Many choose their own family.
Family patterns influence relationships
We develop most of our beliefs before the age of five or six (or seven or eight, depending on what aspect of the brain we are discussing.) Our subconscious minds are programmed through identifying positive and negative things and then creating associations and emotions for each. For example, we absorb and mimic our parents and caretakers. Second, we have our own experience of how we are treated and cared for. We observe the world with different brain waves and an inability to use logic. What we are immersed in and exposed to informs what and who we become.
Our beliefs sneak in unwittingly
You have to work hard to be successful. I’m not good enough. Money doesn’t grow on trees. That’s stupid=I’m stupid. You are too old to act like that. Children should be seen and not heard. Others are more important than me. I am always wrong. People only want me for sex. Men should act like x. Women should act like y. Boys don’t cry. Women are weak. Poor people are/rich people are z. I need to act like or be __ to be loved.
These beliefs are insidious and sneaky. They define how you interact with relationships, money, society, food and alcohol, and yourself.
It can seem overwhelming
I’ve been doing healing work with myself and practitioners for 20 years. I’ve learned where my triggers are, why they are happening, and how to communicate clearly. Empathy has become easier. When others are hiding or reacting out of fear I can usually feel that. People have different views because of these beliefs. Individuals are often suffering inside, trying to find joy and happiness when these beliefs are telling them that they don’t GET to be happy.
Happiness and joy
My process of becoming joyful was not always fun. Finding joy does not mean I become perfectly neutral and never experience anger. That is an interesting concept some people, especially those wanting to travel a path towards enlightenment, seem to think is ideal. There is a wheel of emotions, and health to me means being able to access any of them.
In my opinion, the marker of emotional health is the ability to see a situation for what it is and how it makes you feel so you can respond to it and move through it. Denying emotion or pretending you are a positive person thus cannot (or should not) feel anger can be extremely damaging.
For example, I have a friend who used to say he never got angry. What he has realized over time is that he suppresses anger because he learned that anger=violence. So for self-preservation, he made a conscious choice to never feel anger.
Instead, those emotions were stored in his body. Those emotions created physical symptoms.
What does that mean? My best self is aware, awake, and happy. It means I make choices from clarity and confidence instead of reactivity and fear. Talk to me if you want to hear more. Or, join one of my classes on Eventbrite.
Free Tapping Class for Loneliness
I am holding a free 4-week class on tapping for loneliness. You will learn to tap for yourself, AND how to apply these principles for all stresses in your life. Plus, the class is recorded so you can watch it anytime + go back to them. Contact me via Direct message, email, or text, and I will let you know when the final dates are scheduled..
**This is a storyline edit and repost of a past blog. I was looking for the words to help others connect with their community, have compassion, and heal from old wounds. My connection post from August of 2019 danced through my head, and felt more relevant than when it was first posted. I ask you to read this version with an open heart and mind. Learn. Think. How do you speak/ write/ make comments to others? Are “those people” doing something? Heck, I have even used that term lately.
Who are “Those People”
I’ve found myself talking about all of “those people” who are judging other people. Who aren’t seeing the big picture. Who are creating division and separation. You know-like I was at that moment.
Crap! I might be one of “those judgy people” right now
It was a good moment to check myself and my own ego. That’s a broad-based statement and judgement there, Dawn. Not only are we all doing the best we can, but our brains are wired from birth and from upbringing to find solutions to a problem in a pattern. You are doing what you can with the knowledge, beliefs, and brain you have. So is everyone else. No matter what “side” they seem to be on.
Ego and Fear
My book, The Touch Crisis, is now a bestseller. Perhaps my mind is accurate in telling me it’s not going to help enough.
Firstly, how on earth am I supposed to help us connect with each other when we cannot even use civil tones with each other on social media? Secondly, how can we use intentionally loving or compassionate physical contact to connect when we cannot even use compassionate verbal tones?Thirdly, how can we touch each other with kindness when we are triggered by the idea that someone–that stranger over there– may or may not have a mask on at the moment?
I have been observing people become angrier with each other. We are acting less patient, less kind, less considerate. Perhaps as a culture we are expressing more belligerence and more defensiveness because we tie ourselves to “a side.”
Maybe touch will help? My internal dialogue spins. When did each of us stop thinking critically? When did the slippery slope of identifying with an idea shift to our ego and our tie to our own identity? How has each of us lost touch with how our actions and words impact others–no matter what the others’ beliefs are?How has the way I define myself changed?
People cheat, people lie, people do bad things—not liberals, not conservatives, not pro-Trump, not BLM, not whites, not gays, not the immigrants, not the millennials, not the elderly. There are hate groups, of course, but individuals make these choices, the same way my individual friends make the choice to use tones of hatred. Individual People also make mistakes. Many are traumatized–even if they aren’t aware of it yet because they are in survival mode. “Those people” who are judging others for their actions or inactions are part of the problem. How do I become part of the solution? How can I even stop using the insidious yet seemingly-harmless term “those people?”
My goal of helping others connect seeming suddenly hopeless, I stepped away from my computer and wandered aimlessly around my house. Instead of the peace of the Norwegian countryside, I was confronted with rain and the piles of detritus left on the curbside by the college-student turnover in my neighborhood. I thought of my friend who made the comment, “Suddenly I’m associating the American flag on vehicles with the concept of racism, and I don’t want to feel that way. In fact, I know it isn’t that way.”
Our shadow side has emerged. On one hand it’s great, because to heal anything we must face the hard truth of what lies in the dark. Of what has been hidden. Of what needs to be healed and confronted and understood. But one cannot fight shadow with anger, with cruelty, with judgement, and with denial. My mind drifted again to an exercise at my Blandin Community Leadership training. If only people understood how much our beliefs are actually part of our brain function.
Blandin Leadership Training
“I am going to put you into groups based upon your Meyers Briggs results and have each group figure a way to solve this problem.” One of the program directors stood in the middle of the U-shaped table formation near the front of the room and watched us expectantly.
I was one of fifty rural community leaders. We were a variety of ages, backgrounds, gender, and race. Our similarity was our passion and our desire to change our community for the better, and each of us had been chosen– after a lengthy application process– to be trained and resourced to build and sustain a healthy community. We were learning not only about ourselves, but where individual and organizational blind spots may be, how we interact with others, how to see problems from a higher perspective, how to build positive social structures, and how to resolve conflict. Quite an undertaking for a five-day retreat.
This should be interesting, I thought, as the director divided us into three groups. The last few exercises taught us all a lot about individual roles and reactions, but this is the first big group problem-solving exercise. I smiled as everyone stood up and a cheerful buzz filled the room, as people grabbed their materials and re-organized themselves.
“Here’s the situation,” she interrupted the chatter as people organized into smaller circles. “You are on the board of directors of a nonprofit organization. Your bookkeeper, a volunteer who has been loyal, accurate, and timely for 15 years, suddenly starts making mistakes in the financials. The mistakes seem to be growing slowly, and one day it is brought to your attention that someone smelled alcohol on her breath while she was at the office. What do you do?”
She stepped back and smiled knowingly. “Does anyone need me to read that again?”
Huh, not quite as challenging as I anticipated, I thought as I turned back to my group with a thoughtful look on my face, I already know what my plan of action would be.
“Well, of course we need to have a conversation with her,” one member piped up right away. “We don’t know what’s going on or if it’s true she really had been drinking.”
“She is a volunteer,” another person chimed in. “But we do have a duty to our organization, especially when it comes to finances.”
“Yes, we definitely cannot sacrifice our organization if she isn’t able to continue here duties well, but if she needs a bit of time away from the job to deal with a personal issue, we could find another person to help temporarily,” the next comment came.
Yep, this is easy, I sat up straighter and looked around the rest of the conference room to see how the other two groups seemed to be getting on. Looks like there’s a lot of agreement in the other two groups as well, I noted, people are smiling and nodding and seem enthusiastic with their hand gestures—-at least the extroverts.
I giggled to myself. Blandin had broken our 16 types down into sub-types, giving us further insight to each category, and I could see those dynamics playing out in the room. Our group is much smaller than each of the other two, I noted. We only have about ten, and the other two are around twenty people each. That must make it a bit more difficult to come to a resolution.
“You have three minutes left. Please pick someone from your group to present your decision to the group,” the director interrupted loudly over the animated chatter.
We hastily picked our leader, had her verbally recap our final decision to us quickly, and turned towards the front of the room, waiting.
“Group one, please present your results.”
A prominent businesswoman stood up and projected the decision easily and clearly over the group. “As the board of directors, we have no choice but to terminate her volunteer position immediately and find a replacement. We cannot tolerate any financial impropriety in the organization, as it could cause a negative impact on our nonprofit status, our revenue, and the community trust in our organization.”
Wow, that is super harsh, I thought, stunned. No communication? No making sure that there wasn’t some other error in the system or an update that wasn’t her fault that was creating the errors? Wow. So much for years of loyalty. I know how much time that stuff can take.
“Group three, go ahead,” the leader interrupted my thoughts as I shook my head and turned my body the other direction to hear the verdict from the other side of me.
“Well,” the executive director of a nonprofit stood and faced the group. “She has had 15 years of loyal service. We thought it was in our best interest to sit down and have a conversation with her, offer her help, see if the matter was one in which she wanted to leave the position temporarily or permanently. We will give her support in finding help with her drinking if that is necessary, and do what we can to get her back on track. She is a volunteer after all, and we don’t need to jump to harsh conclusions or actions until we understand the totality of the problem.” She sat back down.
Huh, that doesn’t seem to protect the organization fast, and is completely opposite of the first group’s answer.
“Group 2?” The leader prompted.
Our spokeswoman, who worked for a large corporation, stood up and announced our decision, an exact blend of the other two. Starting with compassion and curiosity, and if the issue wasn’t fixed, to take strong disciplinary action.
Our brain wiring determines how we make these kinds of decisions. Holy crap. And my group’s brain wiring has a blend of both sides, which is why we are smaller and have a blend of both answers.
The understanding hit me as ways to increase communication and synergy to pull two conflicting sides together became clear.
Nature and nurture both influence how we see and interact with the world as individuals. The fear, drama, and propaganda in our culture now shapes the tone and grace–or lack thereof–in which individuals choose to share their opinions.
My mom told me that if I can’t say anything nice—-don’t say anything at all. I don’t believe that is true. Communication is necessary for a vibrant community. We need to be able to disagree, to have respectful conflict, to speak our minds, to share what is disturbing us, and why. However, it can be done in a curious, educational, and amicable way. Are there people spouting melodrama and hatred out there? Of course. Does that mean you need to match their tone? Absolutely not.
If something someone says triggers you and makes you extremely angry, is there a way you can pause, take a breath, and reply in a manner or tone that conveys your disagreement in a way that opens communication? What kind of attitude and tone would open you to listening to an opposing point of view? Try using that.
That’s my challenge for you this week. Whether it’s a disagreement with your child, your coworker, your friend, or on social media, take a breath. Realize that everyone has a right to their own opinion, no matter what information or lack thereof informs it. You may not be able to change someone’s mind, but you won’t for sure if you attack them. Ignore those who haven’t learned these lessons yet, except to prompt them to please use a different tone.
Does that seem too challenging? Perhaps it’s time to learn Emotional Freedom Techniques (a.ka. EFT or tapping.) It’s a powerful way to release the visceral emotional reaction to stressful situations. Check this link for class details. If you would prefer to talk about it individually, schedule a free session here.
Connection. It has so many nuances and meanings. I’ve been interviewing people about how they want to approach physical contact (touch) with others as we start connecting in person again. How they want to communicate around touch and where their wants, needs, and desires are. I feel called to connect and collaborate with three non-profits who I have personal connection with right now.
So am donating 30% of my EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques a.k.a. tapping) gross sales to these charities July and August (see the end of this blog for links and more details.) EFT not only empowers you to work with yourself on stressors and emotional challenges, but can make permanent and positive changes in your life. Click here to access a short video on the science and power of EFT. I am offering inexpensive classes online through eventbrite for those who want a sneak peek. You can also book a complimentary session online so we can chat and see if it’s a good fit for you.
Join Me on Lois’ Podcast!
I’m really excited to join Lois Koffi on a special edition of her weekly Friday Podcast. We will speak about The Healing Touch Through Difficult Times. Please join us on the 10th of July at 12.30 PM (PST) / 2:30 PM (CST) for this interview! www.loiskoffi.com/podcast (Here is the replay.)
I’ve been cherishing the people I’ve been able to stay connected to from overseas, and enjoying reconnecting with my clients, friends, and family here. But overall in these last two years, beyond playing, I’ve been learning to reconnect with myself, my deeper desires and passions that fuel me and my work. I also explored how I want to help others find connection to their own being, their own spirit and soul, and feel the deeper connections to others. I’ve been getting support through my own practitioners and loved ones. My book, The Touch Crisis, will be out in early August, and I have classes and experiences to help people find their way through their own muddy pasts and out of their ruts so they can have the experience of connecting authentically—even if they feel they are already connected.
How Lonely Are We?
A recent Cigna study (September of 2019) of over 10,000 Americans showed that 61% of Americans surveyed feel lonely. The top causes cited? Not enough social support, too few MEANINGFUL social interactions, poor mental and physical health, and not enough life balance. Heavy social media users are more likely to feel this way. That’s before the quarantine prevented connection. I want to help shift this for each of you. It’s my passion, my desire, and what I feel I am called to do at this point in my life.
Beyond joining others on their podcasts to teach this great concept, I am offering online one-hour classes on creating connection via communication around physical contact into your life. Not only do you get to learn what you want, but what you don’t. How can you gently tell someone to stay six feet away and remain connected? Do you know how you can ask for a hug that you desperately need– even when you are not sure how the other person is reacting to touch? How do you navigate the tricky terrain of handshakes, elbow bumps, or physical distancing for yourself and others you are meeting? Check out some of the Touch Conversations on the Touch Remedies YouTube Channel, and if you are so inspired-please subscribe!
As always, please let me know how I can support you. I’m willing to work around barriers-including financial, time, and location. Now that I’ve gone through the wringer and come out the other side embodying all the love and joy I thought I had lost, I’m fully present and here for you all.
Pause 4 Paws was established in 2011 with a mission of working to ensure that dogs and cats are treated with dignity and respect. Through 2019, Pause 4 Paws directly supported numerous animal rescues and sanctuaries in Minnesota as well as the rescue community in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. Most animal rescues are small, volunteer-based community organizations that do not have staff available to spend time fundraising. P4P worked on behalf of these organizations and has distributed over $500,000 to these beneficiaries since our inception. In doing so, the rescues we supported have saved over 46,000 dogs and cats and spayed or neutered nearly 31,500 animals since 2011. 100% OF THE FUNDS WE DISTRIBUTE THROUGH PAUSE 4 PAWS GO DIRECTLY TO THE SUPPORT AND CARE OF THE ANIMALS.
The Spread Sunshine Gang is a non-profit with the mission to share goodness, kindness and generosity to the Twin Cities metro area and beyond. We do this by providing outlets for people to creatively give. Everyone needs more sunshine!
Inspire and Flourish…..It is something we can all do. It is something we can help others do. It is something we should do. There are so many ways we can make a difference in each other’s lives. We can lend a helping hand, donate something ~ whether it be goods/supplies or our time. Watching someone else’s life change just because you decided to help ~ is a wonderful thing.
All of our auxillary events are put on and run by volunteers. Monies raised from the “Mobile Memories Photo Booths” helps to support these fundraising projects.
There is something about hoar frost that I have always loved. It is so delicate yet so beautiful as it sparkles and shines in the beauty of the sun— even as it melts away. I love the fact that most people don’t know what it’s called, and that it is created by a beautiful blend of moisture, temperature, and light. In my memory it comes in late winter or early spring as the earth is coming out of it’s hibernation phase. Some of my favorite winter memories revolve around a ton of snow or a beautiful landscape of hoar frost.
I Almost Didn’t Hike
I almost didn’t go hiking. I cut my foot, I had blisters, and I felt a little tired because I didn’t sleep well. Yet, I was restless and disappointed about the thought of staying home, and was feeling cooped up after all the hubbub over the holidays. I REALLY wanted to be in great nature and have a challenging hike instead of one along roads in towns. The previous time I hiked the trail disappeared, including all markings, just as it left town via a housing complex under development. I backtracked my steps because it was too late in the day to wander into the woods without a clear idea of where I was headed—especially since I was on a timeline to catch the last bus home.
The Hoar Frost Stayed
I am so amazed that the hoar frost stayed all day. I am on the bus ride home with frost on the ground, some fog in the air, and a fantastic lengthened sunset (at 3:18 pm.) I also feel empowered, because the movement and peace helped my mind to clarify how to combine all of my skills into a lovely and beautiful healing process for everyone. I also worked through some beliefs I held about what is possible in my life (and what others expect from me) using EFT (tapping) as I was walking. Peaceful fields, hoar frost, and calming my mind by tapping easily moved me out of a place of feeling stuck and fearful back into a place of power and strength.
I am excited to come back to Minnesota to visit. I have two job offers in Sweden, so will be returning to Minnesota March 23rd to do massage, homeopathy, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT/tapping) in Red Wing and in Mahtomedi. I am finalizing dates and times currently, and will be in touch with anyone who has mentioned they are interested. I will also be holding a few free classes on EFT for those who want to learn it and use it for their own growth. It can help with many things, but the focus of these classes will be around daily use for stress, cravings, and fear.
Now that spring is coming fast, I encourage you to use the energy of growth and extended sunlight to challenge yourself in some way. What is it you want to do this year? How can you be a bit happier, a bit more peaceful, a bit more “you?” I have challenged you in previous newsletters and blogs to search within yourself and see clearly what beliefs you hold that drives you in life that do not suit you anymore. What do you do that has become pattern or habit or expectation, but does not really make you happy? Let’s work together in 2019 and get rid of that so you can be peaceful as you move through your days. With age comes wisdom and the power to dump all social expectations and step into our true selves. I wish this for you!
Nothing Odd to See Here
To continue the playfulness of last blog, and my friend who asked me to take a picture of something odd every day, I have not been finding anything odd, beyond myself, and the pronunciation of the Swedish language. No new fun toilets or anything!!
Stress, we all know stress can affect our health and create a variety of symptoms from muscle tension and headaches to insomnia and sleep high blood pressure. Here are some quick and easy ways to de-stress.
Walking – go for a 30 minute walk, enjoy nature appreciate what God has created for us.
Hot Bath – relax with soft music or a good book, let the warm water melt away the tension.
Massage – give yourself the gift of a monthly full body massage. Massage is more than a luxury. It has been proven to help relieve insomnia, headaches, and muscle tension, while allowing the body to process food more effectively so your body can heal itself. Massage helps reduce mental and physical fatigue and stress.
CranioSacral Therapy – If you are not sure if massage is your thing, try CranioSacral. This bodywork technique is gentle and is well-known to release deeper physical and emotional tension to allow the entire body to relax and self-correct.
Don’t wait until stress makes you sick. Stay healthy and call for your massage or homeopathy appointment today. We guarantee that when your body is relaxed you will be able to return to work the next day with a clearer state of mind and well-being. Remember at Body Healing Power we help your body heal itself naturally.