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Tag Archives: intimacy
Why do we want the things that aren’t good for us?
Sugar, alcohol, relationships, social media. Overindulgence at many levels. We try to stop, but just like we rebelled against authority when we were young, our minds rebel against the restrictions we attempt to put on those foods we crave.
Why can’t we control cravings?
There are consistent patterns that become clear when people begin using EFT tapping to clear their cravings, compulsions, and addictive habits.
Food contains love.
Does that ice cream remind you of warm, sunny days with your grandparents? Does that chocolate remind you of the romantic time in Belgium? Or maybe it’s hanging out with a dear friend and laughing your head off. Maybe that alcohol is a great reward for a long day’s work, or makes you feel like you are relaxing at home…even if you are still doing necessary tasks for your family and household.
The Internal Critic
Our favorite indulgences can also serve to numb or avoid the negative self-talk… or reinforce it. What a great way to self-punish? “I’m already angry at myself for messing up that relationship. What’s it matter if I put on a few extra pounds?” Then we can flagellate ourselves for eating too much. “See, you can’t even stop eating chips. No wonder no one loves you.”
Many people, especially women, gain weight as a form of protection after a history of abuse or relationships gone awry. It’s easier not to be seen than to be seen as a sexual object. It’s dangerous not to overindulge.
It can also be a great avoidance mechanism of our deeper thoughts. We eat because we are bored, avoiding doing a task, or because the action of the stimulant (or depressant) changes our hormones. We use food, alcohol, and drugs to cope.
It doesn’t stop there
Don’t be fooled. Overworking, exercise, and being busy all the time can also be used for emotional numbing or regulation. It’s just more accepted by our culture to overwork than to overeat. As is our television and internet consumption. Research shows EFT can permanently help change that..
You can break those cravings and still have the foods you love.
I’m not talking about those who have a true addiction. I’m not telling someone in AA to “just have a drink.” I’ve talked in past blogs about societal pressure around alcohol.
What I am saying is you can learn to find the love without the food so you can eat and drink as a choice. When you do your healing work, letting go of the compulsions becomes easy. Watch my story about alcohol below to learn more.
Take an EFT Tapping Class
I’m offering a special 4-week class that will teach you how to work with some of your compulsions and cravings. Sign up HERE for the EFT for Cravings Class.
Do cravings, compulsions, or your body image impact your relationships? Do you have problems with intimacy because of your past history or your new body after children, weight gain, or emotional disconnection? Sign up for my class on intimacy too. (If these classes are already closed, here’s the link to the schedule.)
I’d love to help you any way I can. Sign up here for a complimentary Health & Healing Strategy session when you are ready to take a next step and talk one-to-one about your challenges and how we can heal them. I’m here for you.
A Deep Journey Into the Fog
598 stairs into the clouds. The journey into the fog can be disconcerting.
The mighty Mississippi is there. Beyond the silence, if you listen, you can hear the trains in the distance.
The jays are calling. Yet nature feels fairly still.
It felt really important yesterday. Drawing analogies between my healing process and nature. The external fog I know will lift as I hike compared to the fog within that is hiding something that is not quite seen, but ready to be revealed.
Trusting and knowing expansion and vibrancy will emerge through this journey, even as I sense tranquility deep within.
I know my urge to hibernate and rest is in preparation for the next phase. Two more books. Teaching. Helping others in their relationships. Travel. Just like nature, going within for the winter creates the vitality for coming out of hibernation.
Something big is coming. I’ve felt it before when I was in Europe. When I was preparing to come home. When I knew I was in the middle of a big shift within myself and nothing would be the same again. This time it feels more powerful. More clear.
When I first came home from Europe I had changed so much I didn’t recognize my reactions to others. This year, for me, has been about listening to myself in relation to others. I’m great at hearing others. I see and understand their deep pain, sorrow, and grief. I enjoy reflecting their beauty deep within that they are afraid of, hiding, or unaware of.
Healing is Often a Journey
Anyone who knows me well knows I am always looking at my deeper self. When I am overly-reactive, I look at why. When I am sad, I allow myself to feel it, but if I cannot move through it, I look at the source of the sadness. If I don’t move through emotions, I do my work to get myself unstuck.
This year has been different.
It’s not just 2020
It is the planets! It has been a year of evaluating relationships of all sorts–past, present, and future. I changed so much that I got to see my “old” vs. “new” self reflected back. And now, amidst this, I am taking advanced EFT tapping training to help others do the same. I taking training on how to help others find their soulmate. Classes on how to help others find intimacy and connection in their relationships again.
Healer, Heal Thyself
Of course, do do any of that well, I have to understand myself first. This phrase is the key to my practice and to my own life journey. I had to look at how I was protecting myself from connecting with others. How I was hiding from love behind the idea that love and independence could not co-exist. That I have to be stronger than any partner so I don’t lose myself… so I didn’t end up being a possession.
Words of Wisdom
I was gently reminded love could exist without possession. The universe continues to send me messages from unexpected places to remind me I want (and deserve) more. I can also allow, instead of force.
“Just like Chinese medicine, relationships are a balance of yin and yang. You will both have both, but sometimes you need to allow your yang to soften, to allow the flow between two.”
My Question(s) for You
How do you hide yourself from feeling or expressing love? Where have you learned to protect your heart and how does that serve you now? Are you ready to be open?
More to Come
I have three more of these blogs in the queue. Perhaps I’m over-thinking life right now. But I don’t think so. I am sure my friends are sick of hearing of my self-analysis. But that’s okay. I know they love me anyway. For my strengths, my weaknesses, my quirkiness, my playfulness, and my ability to be vulnerable… and probably other reasons as well. And that is truly all that matters.
You are love, you are loving, and you are loveable.
Be yourself and be loved,
Healing The Touch Crisis… in Relationships
I started writing a post here about a month ago about my current thoughts on The Touch Crisis in our culture. It turned into three pages of stuff that I realized belonged in my relationship book.
My Next Books
Yes, you read that right. I’ve been waking up in the morning with inspirations and ideas about my next books on touch–one for relationships and one regarding physical contact and children. Also, to be thorough, I’ve been interviewing various psychologists, therapists, and families. These conversations have lead me to recall and evaluate my own experiences in personal relationships. I have been exploring what I learned around healthy contact as a child. It’s healing work I have done before, but I always find another insight or memory to explore.
Finding a Soulmate
There are a few partnerships/ marriages I have always admired. Somehow I thought I was too independent for that. Too free-spirited. Now I am immersed in two advanced Emotional Freedom Techniques certification programs. The first program is called Learning to Find Love. It is about healing old relationship patterns, beliefs, and aligning your energies to attract your soulmate. A big part of the class is realizing what you DON’T want and will not accept so you don’t waste time on relationships that don’t suit. I’ve done a lot of this work before. I could be snarky and say “it’s probably why I stay single.” But honestly, I just don’t think I was ready. Plus, there is an unresolved belief that says I cannot be free + be strong + be myself + travel if I’m in a relationship. That’s what I observe… except in those partnerships I admire that I mentioned above. Hmmm.
Intimacy and Sexuality
The second certification is called Path To Passion, in which I will help people find passion and intimacy in their lives again through emotional healing. I hear stories consistently from my female clients about how they have lost their drive. “I love my significant other, but just don’t feel like being intimate.” Libido comes from the brain, and can often be improved through emotional healing if you desire more sexual connection. Studies show Emotional Freedom Techniques (a.k.a. EFT or tapping) can drastically improve libido. But also remember, physical intimacy does not have to be sexual.
Touch Communication Crisis
I’ve been speaking at book clubs and women’s groups. I’ve had conversations in networking organizations and with support groups. I hear women say things like, “My significant other only touches me when he wants sex.” Then I talk to men who say, “I wish I could just touch my significant other without always having to perform.” Where is the communication breakdown? Is platonic touch lacking for men, or is it taboo even in their own relationships? Do each of us make assumptions about what another person’s touch is communicating–whether male or female?
Letting Children Choose
I’ve also been big on letting my nephews choose when and if they hug me, give me a high-five, or ignore me after a day together. If they can’t say ‘no’ to a hug from me, then what boundaries do they truly have? What am I teaching them about ‘no’ in the future-for themselves and others?
I have not run out of words.
I have a ton to say on the subject of healthy touch. There is even more to share about how we can heal and really learn to connect. Even if you choose not to touch anyone at all–even a handshake–because of the current situation.
Are you ready to heal your relationship stressors?
I will need case studies for my certification programs. Please, click to schedule a Health & Healing Strategy Session with me if this interests you.