598 stairs into the clouds. The journey into the fog can be disconcerting.
The mighty Mississippi is there. Beyond the silence, if you listen, you can hear the trains in the distance.
The jays are calling. Yet nature feels fairly still.
It felt really important yesterday. Drawing analogies between my healing process and nature. The external fog I know will lift as I hike compared to the fog within that is hiding something that is not quite seen, but ready to be revealed.
Trusting and knowing expansion and vibrancy will emerge through this journey, even as I sense tranquility deep within.
I know my urge to hibernate and rest is in preparation for the next phase. Two more books. Teaching. Helping others in their relationships. Travel. Just like nature, going within for the winter creates the vitality for coming out of hibernation.
Something big is coming. I’ve felt it before when I was in Europe. When I was preparing to come home. When I knew I was in the middle of a big shift within myself and nothing would be the same again. This time it feels more powerful. More clear.
When I first came home from Europe I had changed so much I didn’t recognize my reactions to others. This year, for me, has been about listening to myself in relation to others. I’m great at hearing others. I see and understand their deep pain, sorrow, and grief. I enjoy reflecting their beauty deep within that they are afraid of, hiding, or unaware of.
Healing is Often a Journey
Anyone who knows me well knows I am always looking at my deeper self. When I am overly-reactive, I look at why. When I am sad, I allow myself to feel it, but if I cannot move through it, I look at the source of the sadness. If I don’t move through emotions, I do my work to get myself unstuck.
This year has been different.
It’s not just 2020
It is the planets! It has been a year of evaluating relationships of all sorts–past, present, and future. I changed so much that I got to see my “old” vs. “new” self reflected back. And now, amidst this, I am taking advanced EFT tapping training to help others do the same. I taking training on how to help others find their soulmate. Classes on how to help others find intimacy and connection in their relationships again.
Healer, Heal Thyself
Of course, do do any of that well, I have to understand myself first. This phrase is the key to my practice and to my own life journey. I had to look at how I was protecting myself from connecting with others. How I was hiding from love behind the idea that love and independence could not co-exist. That I have to be stronger than any partner so I don’t lose myself… so I didn’t end up being a possession.
Words of Wisdom
I was gently reminded love could exist without possession. The universe continues to send me messages from unexpected places to remind me I want (and deserve) more. I can also allow, instead of force.
“Just like Chinese medicine, relationships are a balance of yin and yang. You will both have both, but sometimes you need to allow your yang to soften, to allow the flow between two.”
My Question(s) for You
How do you hide yourself from feeling or expressing love? Where have you learned to protect your heart and how does that serve you now? Are you ready to be open?
More to Come
I have three more of these blogs in the queue. Perhaps I’m over-thinking life right now. But I don’t think so. I am sure my friends are sick of hearing of my self-analysis. But that’s okay. I know they love me anyway. For my strengths, my weaknesses, my quirkiness, my playfulness, and my ability to be vulnerable… and probably other reasons as well. And that is truly all that matters.
You are love, you are loving, and you are loveable.
Be yourself and be loved,