Tag Archives: relationships

Is Chocolate or Compassion the Mission?

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I thought I was going to the store to buy chocolate.  Instead, my mission was to help another person.

Divinely Inspired

Have you ever had a moment where you realized something higher was guiding you?  Maybe you called it coincidence, or “right place, right time.”  Maybe you heard one phrase that changed you or everything you believed about life.

I had a lovely dinner with my friend in Iowa tonight.  Even though I ate light, I ate a ton and was really full.  Therefore I was surprised by the strong urge to go to the grocery store.  I checked in with my body.  Nope, not craving anything. 

I decided I had just sat too much and what my body needed was a walk as the clouds reflected the sunset in a deep red hue.  Yet, I still navigated to the grocery store. 

The Shift

I stood staring at the chocolate, realizing nothing really sounded good (I know- what happened to me!!!)  

Suddenly, a woman started sobbing halfway down the isle.  Heart-breaking, life-ending kinds of sobs. You know, like the ones in the movies where patrons get brought to tears too?  Where your heart hurts just hearing the sound? 

I turned towards her, and watched as people pointedly ignored her. In fact, some walked past pretending they were SUPER interested in things on the shelf opposite her.  She lowered her phone from her ear and her head followed, finding a resting spot on the handle of her cart.  I’m sure she didn’t even notice the lack of curiosity, compassion, empathy, or humanity around her.

Choosing Compassion

She didn’t notice my approach, so I asked, “Are you okay?”  She kept sobbing, and I placed a gentle hand on her shoulder for whatever level of comfort and connection I could offer.  Finally, she brought her head up and shared that she just found out her best friend had died.  In broken English she told me that once, a long time ago, they were engaged.  She didn’t know the details yet as she couldn’t reach the family. 

I did what I do best- offered a hug.  She fell into my arms and sobbed for a while as I just supported and gave her all the love and healing I could channel through me. 

Deep Gratitude

When we parted, she thanked me profusely a few times.  I am the one who should thank her.  I learned a lot from that interaction.  Remembering a time when a stranger comforted me when I was sad in an airport in Ireland, I thought about the power of reaching out to a fellow human (whether we know them or not). Why don’t we?

Are we afraid they will get angry or that we will get caught listening to their ‘sob story’ for hours? Can we not be bothered to show a minute’s compassion for someone in pain? For our friends, do we just say, “Hey, call if you need anything. I’m here for you.” and walk away feeling as if we’ve done our part as we leave them the responsibility of reaching out when they are in the midst of emotional upheaval?

Perhaps instead we give them a short, “I’m sorry” on their facebook page and scroll on as if we’ve really made any difference.

Being Present

I was reassured that the book I wrote recently about how polarized and scared our society has become to communicate and interact was divinely inspired.  Chocolate wasn’t the reason of my journey tonight.  Most importantly, I was sent to the store to help a fellow human who needed a moment of understanding, of acceptance, and of unconditional love. Above all, I think we’ve lost our capacity to approach each other with curiosity and openness. Like this SNL skit, we are reactive instead of compassionate.

Don’t we all need compassion and connection?  Schedule a complimentary chat with me if you need some support.

With love,

Dawn

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Ousted from Community

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Have you ever been pushed out of or separated from a group that you really felt part of?  Maybe you have experienced this in sports, in school, in religious community, in friendships, in your neighborhood, or over this pandemic.  I’ve worked with people who have had this painful experience, but only recently has it happened to me in a way that broke my heart.

Break-up x 100 = Devastation

I’m surprisingly devastated, and it’s like 100 friends have broken up with me at the same time.  To be honest, this group that I perceived and experienced as loving and spiritual has its own agenda.  They schedule things and then move them with little to no notice (which is what happened.)  

I Paid to Be Part of Something

I planned my travel and my whole work schedule around this spiritual journey; the time it is offered has been moved with only five days notice.  Instead of participating in the 25 classes in-person where I can ask questions and build relationships, I now will have to watch the replays. 

Frequent Attacks

It feels disrespectful and personal, even though it has nothing to do with me.  The odd thing is, many of the communities I have been part of have pushed me away, attacked me, or shamed me recently.  Enough that I got very ill and depressed and was unable to function for days.  I sat on the earth one day and observed myself and how I was feeling and thought, “Is this how people feel when they decide to commit suicide?”  Although I wasn’t suicidal, I had never felt the depth of hopelessness I did in that moment. I questioned everything I was doing in the world as well as my purpose in it.

What’s the Lesson?

I’m trying to figure that out.  As a person who really loves people, who is writing a book on the importance of community and connection and communication and empathy and love, it almost feels like a test. Do I believe what I say?  Or am I the painter who never paints her house?  Perhaps I talk so much about love and connection because I am trying to create it for myself. 

Is It Safe To Love?

Is it worth the heartbreak?  Am I expecting too much of my fellow humans?  I don’t think so. I do think at the core everyone wants to be loved.  Individuals are loveable.  But so many messages from our infancy on teach us that love is conditional.  We are not enough. Love isn’t to be trusted. Community is a place you go to find others, but must ‘Do’ to be ‘part of’.

Creating a Powerful Story

After writing this, I am considering the possibility that I am experiencing these losses over and over so I can channel the isolation energy as I write this book.  I was fairly sheltered during the pandemic, but this mirrors many of the experiences of those I have talked to. 

Doing My Work

I’ve already done some EFT Tapping around it and prayerful meditation. That’s when I decided to write this blog.  Now, I’m off to do yoga and move the rest of this energy out before I continue to write my book.

Do You Resonate?

I’d love to hear your stories about connection and disconnection, loneliness and isolation.  It is something we all experience sometimes, so why don’t we talk about it more?  How do you find ways to connect when you feel like no one cares?  Drop me a line.  Let’s chat.

With love,

Dawn

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I’m Writing a Book on Relationships

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And it’s turned out a bit like a relationship itself.  I was all excited about it.  It’s my second full book.  I was so inspired I was even waking up in the morning after having dreams about it in the fall of 2020.  I’d get up and voice memo myself the rush of thoughts and awesomeness running through my brain.

THIS IS IT! 

Yep, This is it, I thought.  This will be SO EASY!  In fact, I’m pretty sure it’s divine intervention writing this book through me.  I went right from courting the idea of writing a book about relationships into full-blown honeymoon phase. Words were easy; my messages felt clear and aligned for anyone to receive. 

And Then…

Like most relationships, the excitement waned. I kept working on it, but somehow the flow wasn’t as magical.  The edits were more brutal and disheartening.  I was afraid that what I was writing would too honestly reflect my own intimate relationships in the past and upset those I still care for and call friends.

Reality set in. As I navigated writing with work and my life in general, the book got set aside.  I’d write a bit when I felt like it amidst everyday drudgery. I knew it didn’t have to be this way; I couldn’t see a way out.

Just Another Day In the Woods

When people asked me about the writing, I’d say it was going fine.  Pretty good.  But realistically, my hormones weren’t engaged.  My intellect wasn’t excited.  Things were stagnant. 

I’d engage with it, half-heartedly hoping for the passion to return, but wasn’t really sure where I was headed. 

Should I End It?

My thoughts were fully occupied as I hiked.  Do I really want to write this book?  Or should I change it up and write something totally different.  I’ve put so much time and energy into it.  Maybe I should just stick with it.  Maybe this is all there is.

The Big Choice

I had three main options I decided.  First, try to reignite my passion and dedication and bring it in a new direction, using the past chapters as a catalyst for growth. Second, I could settle with what I’ve already done and just keep going, hoping it will get better. Third, I could end it. Either by not writing it at all, or by starting all over again.

More Than Creativity In Hibernation

Everything is GONE.  Everything.

I went into my computer early December to try to rekindle the creative juices. Not one word was to be found.  Not the outlines, the research, the quotes, the character development, nor the chapters themselves.  Unsearchable, even in icloud or my external backup drive. 

I took it as a sign from the universe to give up.  With tears I started announcing to my closest people that the Universe had decided for me. 

A Bit Returned…

Amanda, who helped me with my first book (and is the lead of the 20-author collaborative book being released January 21st 2022 that I’m part of), had copies of three-and-a-half chapters in an email from me.

A Magical Reappearance

As if the Universe was telling me I HAD to write it, Apple Support found it while I was working with another computer issue.  All of it.  Everything I mentioned above + voice memos.  

Now What?

It’s a second chance.  Do I want it?  Will it make me happy?  Is it “meant to be?”  Tuning in, I still have a strong NEED to write a book on relationships.  Should it be more about healing with EFT?  Touch-based? Process and science based?  Should I turn it partially fiction?  Too many options froze me again.

The Next Relationship

I am creating a new relationship.  I’ll read the old content.  Enjoy the light from the darkness.  Feel into my body and get a clear idea if this past writing was just to teach me a lesson so I could have a stronger, more powerful, more aligned relationship with my next writing project; perhaps it’s actually the one I wanted all along.  Maybe as I turned my back and struggled, it has been patiently waiting for me to come to center and feel its presence.  Warm, inviting, and fully open to expanding into a beautiful and synergistic existence.

We’ll see.

If you want to explore whether you should end or continue a relationship of your own, click here for information on my class in January. Or purchase it directly through my website.

With love and Gratitude,

Dawn

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You Can’t Make This St*ry Up

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I Wrote A St*ry

In fact, I’ve written many, but one is a published book. I have written a chapter in a second, to be released January 21st, 2022, and am currently writing another st*ry on relationships- to be my third, and perhaps final book. My belief and understanding (really simplified) is that human individuals want to be loved and accepted– and the science shows it!.

Everything we do is to try to feel loved, accepted, or as if we are part of something; That we matter and belong. Our brain takes information from the outside world and creates stories to protect us from hurt and harm; to keep us safe from emotional and physical turmoil. Our brain puts things in boxes and creates filters through which we view our whole world.

Why St*ry?

Amanda, my editor and writing support (because there was NO way I was going to write a book then have some editor tear it apart and tell me I have to fully redo it) uses this term.

I think it’s because so much emotional sh*t has to be released and processed when we share our story; Telling about life experience includes revealing struggles, heartbreak, vulnerable moments, shame and other emotions, and secrets to friends, family, and colleagues. Knowing strangers are going to read it is the easy part!

With Divine Assistance

Situations that were synergistic and stories that needed to be shared started to appear. People told me more and more about how touch or lack thereof was impacting their lives. During the pandemic I still spoke about how to navigate touch boundaries. How to connect even if handshakes and hugs were not an option.

It’s All In the Timing

The Touch Crisis is still getting great feedback and reviews. As I travel around the country, individuals are reading it and telling me how important this message is for them.

You Can’t Make this St*ry Up

Is a book about stories. 19 brave people sharing their experience as they wrote their secrets onto paper for everyone to see. Stories of abuse and fear; of romance, heartbreak, and triumphs; of race cars and veterans; of religious conflicts; of loss. Then, Amanda, our writing coach, shares how we came into her life at the perfect time to teach her something important or shift her life. (See below for the YouTube links of interviews I did + Amanda’s podcast with me.)

It’s All About YOU

The people you meet on the street, your coworkers, those who have different opinions and viewpoints- they are all here to teach you something. Are you listening? Are you open to learning about yourself through your projection onto others?

When ‘others’ create fear, anger, and frustration in you… do you know that is something that is calling for healing within yourself? It’s not about them.

I’ve traveled across the US and Europe and see this phenomenon. Individuals do their best to feel love and connection– even as they push others away and judge them for being different.

We create identity and connection to our own groups by categorizing others- sometimes as inferior or opposites.

Can’t we all just take a moment to see that everyone is doing the best for themselves and their families with the information they have, their personal and medical and social history, and a desire to live a happy and healthy life? They have their own st*ry, just as you have yours. Difference is- you don’t know what theirs entails.

Want Help Feeling Connected And/Or Loved?

Reach out via email or text. I’m here to help. Or schedule a short call with me here. It’s my life mission to help.

With love and Gratitude,

Dawn

Short Interviews with Co-authors + Podcast About My Chapter

Healthy Touch Awareness Exercises

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Scouting Your Inner Terrain with Touch The Touch Crisis Cover Strategizing Intention and Safety with Touch Tackling the Mountain of Wants, Needs, and Consent in Touch Scaling Touch Challenges with the 4 C’s Comparing Landscapes & Sharing the Adventure of…

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Path To Passion Class

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Path To Passion Class (Finding Intimacy) Do You Want More Passion and Drive? Create joy, greater sensual and sexual expression, and a mutually loving bond with your partner. This Seven Week Course will guide you to connection, playfulness, and intimacy…

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