Tag Archives: negative self-talk

Why do we want the things that aren’t good for us?

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Sugar, alcohol, relationships, social media.  Overindulgence at many levels.  We try to stop, but just like we rebelled against authority when we were young, our minds rebel against the restrictions we attempt to put on those foods we crave.

Why can’t we control cravings?

There are consistent patterns that become clear when people begin using EFT tapping to clear their cravings, compulsions, and addictive habits.

Food contains love.

This chocolate reminds me of Sweden and my friends there.

Does that ice cream remind you of warm, sunny days with your grandparents?  Does that chocolate remind you of the romantic time in Belgium?  Or maybe it’s hanging out with a dear friend and laughing your head off. Maybe that alcohol is a great reward for a long day’s work, or makes you feel like you are relaxing at home…even if you are still doing necessary tasks for your family and household.

The Internal Critic

Our favorite indulgences can also serve to numb or avoid the negative self-talk… or reinforce it.  What a great way to self-punish?  “I’m already angry at myself for messing up that relationship.  What’s it matter if I put on a few extra pounds?”  Then we can flagellate ourselves for eating too much.  “See, you can’t even stop eating chips.  No wonder no one loves you.”  

Safety

Many people, especially women, gain weight as a form of protection after a history of abuse or relationships gone awry.  It’s easier not to be seen than to be seen as a sexual object.  It’s dangerous not to overindulge.

Emotional Regulation

It can also be a great avoidance mechanism of our deeper thoughts.  We eat because we are bored, avoiding doing a task, or because the action of the stimulant (or depressant) changes our hormones.  We use food, alcohol, and drugs to cope. 

It doesn’t stop there

Don’t be fooled.  Overworking, exercise, and being busy all the time can also be used for emotional numbing or regulation.  It’s just more accepted by our culture to overwork than to overeat.  As is our television and internet consumption. Research shows EFT can permanently help change that..

You can break those cravings and still have the foods you love.

I’m not talking about those who have a true addiction.  I’m not telling someone in AA to “just have a drink.” I’ve talked in past blogs about societal pressure around alcohol.

What I am saying is you can learn to find the love without the food so you can eat and drink as a choice.  When you do your healing work, letting go of the compulsions becomes easy.  Watch my story about alcohol below to learn more. 

https://youtu.be/8Fh6AGZY8nw

Take an EFT Tapping Class

I’m offering a special 4-week class that will teach you how to work with some of your compulsions and cravings. Sign up HERE for the EFT for Cravings Class.

Do cravings, compulsions, or your body image impact your relationships? Do you have problems with intimacy because of your past history or your new body after children, weight gain, or emotional disconnection? Sign up for my class on intimacy too. (If these classes are already closed, here’s the link to the schedule.)

I’d love to help you any way I can. Sign up here for a complimentary Health & Healing Strategy session when you are ready to take a next step and talk one-to-one about your challenges and how we can heal them. I’m here for you.

With love,

Dawn

Nature of Relationships
Dawn with Hands on heart
Dawn

Pictures Never do Nature Justice

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No matter how hard I try to take pictures that capture the beauty and energy of my travels, and no matter how beautiful the area, I can’t seem to do it. Pictures don’t pick up on the subtle nuances, the play of colors, the reflections of light… unless you have an amazing camera at the perfect time of the day and at the perfect angle.  Even then, the soul of the space can be elusive.  

  • Cornwall, England
  • Red Rock Canyon, Nevada USA
  • Glacial Stream, Iceland

It’s the Same In Relationships

The emotions and beliefs that drive each of us are so subtle, so nuanced, and so under-the-surface that one can be experiencing reactions and emotions for seemingly no reason.  For example, I mentioned in a social media post February 18th about a conversation I overheard at a campfire that reminded me of a time in my life I used to question really little things my partner was doing. 

Why Am I Questioning?

“Are you sure you added enough seasoning?”  “Is it time to check the steak on the grill?” “Don’t you think that adding the garlic now will make it burn?”  

I Thought I was Being Curious and Helpful

I did not realize what I was doing at the time, even after I had a partner call me out on it.  “Why are you always questioning what I’m doing?” he asked. I told him I was just trying to learn.  Which, in a way, I was.  

I was aware enough at the time to know that I didn’t get why people were doing things different, and that there may be ‘better’ ways to do something than what I had learned. 

The True Picture

Underlying the questioning was a subtle worry and anxiety nagging me that it “wasn’t the right way” or that something would get wrecked or the flavors wouldn’t be as great.  It may be good that way, but wouldn’t it be better if it was done this way? 

Looking back I think, does it really even matter?

The Great Chili Experiment

I made chili for one of my parties and a chef that attended commented, “You toasted the spices first, didn’t you?”  I was stunned he could taste the difference. He tole me he was impressed.  I didn’t toast spices for the chef; I did it to be fun and to see if I could tell the difference. Yet on some other days when my partner made dinner I would hover, thinking it wouldn’t be as good if he didn’t do (insert whatever action I was anxious about that day.)

What Drives You (That Drives Others Nuts?)

So what drives you in a relationship (familial, friend, professional, or intimate) that causes disharmony?  Picture the last time you were anxious or upset about something little. What creates that little bit of dis-ease inside your body or brain?  What are you are personally sensitive to about what your partner is doing, and where may that come from?  Often what we are sensitive to in others reflects our own insecurities, belief systems, or judgements within our selves.  

The Emotional Disharmony Can Clear 

Using EFT Tapping to remove those worries, habits, or beliefs will not take away your personality or prevent you from speaking your truth.  It’s like wiping the fingerprints off your camera lens so your picture is crystal clear.  It is healthy and important to feel all of your emotions.  It’s good for each of us to be challenged, to question others, to learn from observation and experience, and to have differences of opinion. But it’s also empowering to slow down, be patient, and observe.

Are Your Emotions Bringing You Closer to Happiness? 

However, if you find yourself interfering, judging, jealous, irritated, or critical instead of curious, open, playful, and accepting with those you care about or must work with, I can help you. Picture your ideal level of communication in a relationship.  EFT can help you navigate feelings that may be lying under the surface.  You can step into your highest and most honest level of communication in a way that serves both you and the person you are communicating with. 

Give me a call or text at 651-401-6131 or join one of my classes if anything above sounds familiar. Do you just want to chat for 30 to see how I can support you? Schedule that here. I’d love to help.

With love,

Dawn

Nature of Relationships
Dawn with Hands on heart
Dawn
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Nature of Relationships
Dawn with Hands on heart
Dawn

Soulmates, Synchronicities, and EFT Tapping

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Guilty Pleasures

I have a really guilty pleasure of pulling oracle cards and watching group tarot readers online. It’s similar to how some people like watching 90 Day Fiancé or Top Chef.  I don’t do it all the time, but I get curious about energies and I listen for synchronicities. After all—we see the world as we are. Whatever I hear is what I am meant to, and perhaps what I need to use Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT or tapping) for.  One reader says, “Take what resonates and leave the rest, because it was meant for someone else.” 

Hearing the Message

I liken it to the friend (or parent) who gives you advice over and over and you don’t hear it until you are in a place where you can hear it; It gives me clues to where I am in my own world and own head and what ego-trips, limiting beliefs, or self-talk loops are in my way.  Sometimes I used to flip a coin if I couldn’t decide what I wanted to eat; the coin flip would either make the choice for me, or I’d realize I was disappointed in the outcome and know I actually wanted the other meal.  This is what my guilty pleasure helps me suss out.

Synchronicity

Just after Thanksgiving I was listening to an online reader who said, “You’ve been doing so much work, your soulmate is on the way.” I was really excited and intrigued at the idea. I had been doing the classwork for Learning To Find Love, a specialty relationship Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT or tapping) training. I’m open to the possibility there’s someone I’ll gel with out there, as much as I like being independent and alone.  

The idea also was exciting in an anxiety-producing way.  You know… the type of excitement where you want something but you are scared to have it?  A week later I found myself unable to sleep and thought I’d listen to another tarot reader for the first week in December.  

She pulled the Twin Flame card and said, “You have gone through challenges and upheaval but Cancers are in a new place.  Get ready for your Twin Flame.” 

Cue The Brain’s Resistance

Now I really started to get nervous.  What would that look like to actually have a long-term partner again? If I found one in the U.S would I get “trapped” here forever?  If he was from another country, would I end up moving and leaving my people behind, forever?  Would I lose my freedom, my individuality?  

My EFT Relationship Coaching instructors have said over and over, “The right person makes a relationship easy.” I can have everything I want and I won’t lose myself? My brain doesn’t quite process. Society and experience tell me that’s not true.

Tapping Through It

I did a bunch of EFT (also known as tapping) work with my fellow classmate around the fear of actually finding a life partner that would suit.  I put my EFT to the test, confident and egotistically sure I’d done the work and couldn’t be triggered.  Instead of turning on my music one morning, I decided to listen to a third tarot reader.  She also pulled the soulmate card.  Let me tell you–I’ve never seen this kind of consistency between readers before. 

Then I had to process the next aspect of fear.  What if I decide not to go to Costco and that’s where I was supposed to meet him?  Perhaps I missed him because I was in my head, ungrounded & not paying attention?  Suddenly, the fear of NOT finding him seemed to outweigh the idea that I would.  Then, I got to use EFT to clear that.  Now I’m just chilly cool.  If he shows up he does, if not, no big deal.  Perhaps my soulmate is around and it’s just not the right time yet. Who knows? I certainly don’t claim to.

Letting Go

I had to get rid of leftover BS from past relationships that were preventing me from finding someone or getting into a relationship again.  After all, maybe what I was actually meant to learn was that I needed to do work around my fears of having  a partner and my resistance to it so I can help others.  Perhaps I get to also let go of the idea it has to be ‘now.’ I know my clients would LOVE it if I found someone local and never moved away again. My traveling spirit doesn’t see that happening. Maybe I’ll tap on that next. 

My Question for You

If the genie in the bottle or the psychic or the angel came and told you your future, what would scare and excite you the most?  What emotions (or belief, judgement, resistance, observation, etc.) need to be cleared for your own healing process so you can accept the happiness you deserve? 

Maybe you already know what your biggest fear is.  Or maybe it’s hidden under a layer of self-talk, even the talk seems to be positive. Like “I’m amazing and independent and strong and I don’t need anybody.”  We can hide fear and resistance behind ‘positive’ ideas just as much as behind ‘negative.’

Let’s Chat!

Let’s explore this together!  Set up a Health & Healing Strategy Session to learn how EFT tapping can help you discover and move through your blind spots and stuck spaces. 

With love,

Dawn

Nature of Relationships
Dawn with Hands on heart
Dawn
Nature of Relationships
Dawn with Hands on heart
Dawn
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Being Still vs. DO MORE! Impact of Negative Self-Talk

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How Still Can I Be?

Savasana. Also known as Corpse Pose in yoga.   I heard it described as ‘the art of lying still.’  Some people say it’s the most important part of a yoga practice.  It used to drive me nuts. 

After all, there were tasks demanding to get done. I’d lay there restless, as my mind spun; how am I supposed to be successful, build my business, stay strong, and manage my image if I’m lying on the floor? 

Doing Less in Europe

I remember when I went to Europe in 2009 for 6 weeks for my honeymoon.  Americans were stunned.  “6 weeks!”  None of the Europeans were stunned;  In fact, they were fascinated by the ridiculously short 2 weeks of vacation accepted as normal in the U.S.  “Why don’t Americans take breaks?”

When I went to Europe for 9 months in 2018 I finally learned to slow down—to BE.  I would catch myself pushing on hikes to see how fast and how far I could go.  I would stop and think: Who cares how fast you go? Who cares if your average speed is 3.4 instead of 2.9 mph on this challenging stretch of rugged terrain? No one is going to give you a medal for doing the 96-mile West Highland Way in 4 days instead of 5 or 6. Why don’t you chill out and enjoy? 

3-Glacier Hike, Norway. August 2019

Emotions Dictate Speed

I admit, some days I did want to see how fast I could go over the terrain.  Or I knew I was pushing my luck to get to an area to set up camp before dark or to get back to the only bus that would take me back to the hostel for the night.  Sometimes my speed was a game.  

Other days I knew I was emotionally processing and would slow down and use Emotional Freedom Techniques a.k.a tapping.  I would tune into the past situation, allow myself to finally feel—to become angry or sad. Or to grieve the loss of things I never had allowed myself to feel before and tap, tap, tap to get rid of it.  

I knew had I changed when I returned.  My ex-husband even noticed.  “I can tell you are much calmer than ever before.  I’ve never seen you sit this long and be relaxed about it.”  He marveled that I stopped multitasking all of the time.  I am focused even when I am bustling about.   I achieve just as much but with less anxiety, stress, and negative self-talk.  Even when things are going wrong, technology is failing, clients are cancelling, my body hurts, or I am running late, I roll with the flow.

Until the last 2 weeks.

DO MORE!

I’ve been exhausted.  I started blaming it on the planetary shifts  and the moon (which does affect me BTW), but when I looked at my schedule I realized that the American drive to DO had crept back into my life– sneaking clients in on my writing days, meetings on my client days, and work on the weekends. 

I talked to my friend in Norway today.  “Go, go go,” she noted with a note of pity in her voice.  “I guess it’s the American way, isn’t it.”  I laugh now as I write this, but I was actually offended.  I thought I had crushed that pattern;  had risen above and learned to be present.  

Others Expect Me To…

And I have learned to ‘be’ instead of ‘do.’  Sometimes I forget.  Sometimes I  allow the negative self-talk of others and their projection of what I should be to affect me on the inside, and I start caving in.  I catch myself lacking in self-care, becoming irritable, not sleeping, overthinking every little thing, making decisions quickly, then thinking I made the wrong decision and doing it over again. 

My Question for You  

Where is your negative self-talk driving you to do more than you really need?  Where have you learned that you are not complete  as you are, and that you must do more to gain others’ approval?  

What I Am Saying

I’m not saying we shouldn’t better ourselves or strive for more.  Observe where your actions and goals align with your heart and passion, versus where the outside world is “demanding” something different.  My hope is that my story helps you take a step back, breathe, and just lie still, feel your body, and do you.

Need Help? You know where to find me.

With love,

Dawn

Dawn with Hands on heart