judgement Archives - Touch Remedies

Limited Capacity for Other People

Posted on June 7, 2021 by Touch RemediesJune 7, 2021

Have you ever felt the loss of a relationship and wondered what happened? Maybe a friendship, a marriage, a partnership, a work colleague who moved on and forgot that you existed because you weren’t seeing each other daily? The effort it took to stay connected was suddenly too much? Perhaps one of you got too busy, too complacent, too comfortable and it had nothing to do with capacity.

Perhaps instead you were excited about something—an idea, an event, an opportunity—and then the excitement just… disappeared.

Limited Capacity

I’ve realized I have limited capacity.

I know… it shocked me too! I’ve been starting to do (really bad but I’m learning) videos that I’m posting on YouTube, creating new classes, new business offerings, and finishing the co-authored book that was started two years ago; we were going to meet April 2020 to finalize and release it in November, but just met this April instead. (Look for the launch in January 2022!)

Although I’m great at pushing myself physically and mentally, especially in my business, it turns out there is a limited capacity for creativity. For connecting through words and ideas.

When I’m expending my energy creatively, it turns out I have no energy for daily chitchat with people—even those I love dearly. I want solitude and sometimes want to escape from everything. But I’ve also found that even though my capacity to text, talk, and facetime has shifted, my capacity for love, acceptance, and compassion has not. Even though my last blog talked about how I was “trained to hate women,” I honestly don’t. It was an awareness of the training and the subtle belief systems that make me wary, that made me sensitive, that made me suspicious about others’ motives. When I wrote the blog, I had to be honest to what came up in the healing session-as dramatic and judgmental as it sounded.

Multiple Roles

We are all involved in multiple relationships and play multiple roles in our lives. Whether that be at work, home, with friends, volunteer organizations, spiritual and religious communities- we only have so much capacity. There’s even the theory that we only have capacity to maintain 150 relationships of any type at once.

So what happens when our energy, our passion, and our drive gets spent schooling the kids. Doing zoom meetings. Avoiding people at the grocery store. How does that impact our personal and intimate relationships? How does that affect our husband/wife/partner?

So many people have divorced and broken up during this pandemic. Why?

They Are Driving Me CRAZY!

Some would say it’s because their partner drove them crazy. What happened to the love and desire to be together? How did YOU change—your internal expectations, beliefs, and sensitivities—and project that onto your partner without any communication? How did your partner being home or around more often shift your role in the family unit? Where did you lose your capacity?

What is the Role You Each Play?

Is your role your identity? Was your partner’s role theirs? What is your capacity for being present to the reason things have shifted? The understanding of the loss of connection?

Connection starts by observing self and understanding your own drive. When we are so tied to our identity and/or role, and become offended, hurt, challenged, or self-conscious when another doesn’t help us align with that role-doesn’t play the part they have always played—that is not the other person’s fault.

Limited Capacity for Relationships

If you find yourself “breaking up” with friends, family members, or partners because belief systems are different, it’s a great time to come to me for some Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT Tapping) sessions. Why? Because it’s your own internal sensitivity being challenged. Your own belief system.

Your Own Unresolved Subconscious Crap Creates A Lot of Problems

How do I know? I can listen to people on totally opposite ends of the spectrum from me. I may be dismayed, shocked, turned-off, or confused by their logic, however I don’t take it personally and don’t feel the need to attack them for their beliefs. Instead I have an open conversation about it—if they choose. (Plus our brains all work differently and I learn TONS from other peoples’ perspectives.)

The more healing I do around my belief systems, the less triggered and upset I get. The more capacity I have for love, openness, and compassion.

Limited Capacity for Openness

Can you be open to listening without offense when others share an opposite opinion? Becoming offended, judgmental, and angry does nothing. Nothing to solve problems nor create solutions. Especially in interpersonal relationships.

If you find yourself more stressed than usual because of the last year, and of what others are doing/thinking/believing, and are open to a conversation, give me a call or schedule a chat here.

I’m here for you. Non-judgmentally and with open arms.

With love,

Dawn

How Do You Project Negative Self-Talk on Others?

Posted on December 23, 2020 by Touch RemediesDecember 23, 2020

Reflections of the Past

I listened to The Bob Davis Podcasts as I drove down to Red Wing Thursday. He talked about his experience on the road as a nomad.

It reminded me of the beauty and the wonder of what it was like to backpack through Europe; how I got to learn to slow down, be present, and shift my own expectations. His discourse also brought back memories of how my friends, family, colleagues, and acquaintances projected their ideas and fears onto me.

Whose Self-Talk is This, Anyway?

Dinner before one of the most dangerous nights I experienced

“Isn’t that dangerous?” “How do you live with only a backpack full of stuff?” (To be fair, I had a backpack full of stuff AND a laptop…except when I ditched it to go hiking and camping.) “What are you going to do if you can’t find a place to stay?” “Aren’t you lonely?”

Then, there were the straight-up judgments. “Must be nice to be so rich you can afford to take nine months off.” “Is this your mid-life crisis?” “What on earth would you do that for?”

This is Not My Voice Inside

Their projections gave me a clear view into their own negative self-talk and limiting beliefs.

I got a lot of suggestions; however, most were irrelevant to the experience I was seeking and the way I love to travel.

I’ve been talking in my networking group about negative self talk and how impactful it can be; sometimes we don’t even realize we are doing it. We often do not realize that what we dislike in others is something we dislike in ourselves. For example, I get irritated when I feel like people are not following through on promises. I am clear that when I don’t follow through on something I am overwhelmed with guilt and sometimes shame. The reflection of what I dislike in myself gets projected onto the other as irritability. I know what others perceived as laziness and leisure while I was in Europe was often hiding jealousy or their own internal judge telling them that one MUST do more, be busy, and stay “on track” with goals.

Giving Grace & Space

Giving myself grace and space to write whenever I wanted allowed my book to come forward. When I tried to push to make the book happen, because negative self-talk decided I HAD to get it done before my mom visited, everything halted. And the voices got louder.

This abandoned copper mine made me think of all the risks others have taken that are more extreme & risky than my own.

I returned to the US and jumped back into American life again (albeit more grounded and calmer.) Massage Therapy offices were closed in the spring, and I started berating myself for not building my online practice while I was in Europe. “I had all that downtime and did ‘nothing’ with it.” I didn’t have the space to work with clients in a safe and private environment, but the voices told me, “You could have been educating people about Emotional Freedom Techniques. You could have been sharing your personal healing using tapping.” I had to step back. The negative self-talk wasn’t mine. It was the voice of everyone else— you need to do more, make more money, have more stuff, BE more in order to be important/ relevant.

That’s not what I believe. Who I am and what I choose in my life is enough. If others want to judge me for that, that’s their own issue; thus, they get to look within instead of projecting their self-talk. I am not going to take that on.

My Question For You

Who gets the brunt of your projections? How does it feel to you when you are upset at others’ decisions? Where does your negative self-talk impede your own peace and happiness?

EFT Tapping Can Help Self-Talk

I could share a ton of stories with you about how it helps me. But I want you to go within first. It doesn’t matter how tapping helps me. The question is, how would you like it to help you?

I’m here for you.