Have you ever felt the loss of a relationship and wondered what happened? Maybe a friendship, a marriage, a partnership, a work colleague who moved on and forgot that you existed because you weren’t seeing each other daily? The effort it took to stay connected was suddenly too much? Perhaps one of you got too busy, too complacent, too comfortable and it had nothing to do with capacity.
Perhaps instead you were excited about something—an idea, an event, an opportunity—and then the excitement just… disappeared.
I’ve realized I have limited capacity.
I know… it shocked me too! I’ve been starting to do (really bad but I’m learning) videos that I’m posting on YouTube, creating new classes, new business offerings, and finishing the co-authored book that was started two years ago; we were going to meet April 2020 to finalize and release it in November, but just met this April instead. (Look for the launch in January 2022!)
Although I’m great at pushing myself physically and mentally, especially in my business, it turns out there is a limited capacity for creativity. For connecting through words and ideas.
When I’m expending my energy creatively, it turns out I have no energy for daily chitchat with people—even those I love dearly. I want solitude and sometimes want to escape from everything. But I’ve also found that even though my capacity to text, talk, and facetime has shifted, my capacity for love, acceptance, and compassion has not. Even though my last blog talked about how I was “trained to hate women,” I honestly don’t. It was an awareness of the training and the subtle belief systems that make me wary, that made me sensitive, that made me suspicious about others’ motives. When I wrote the blog, I had to be honest to what came up in the healing session-as dramatic and judgmental as it sounded.
We are all involved in multiple relationships and play multiple roles in our lives. Whether that be at work, home, with friends, volunteer organizations, spiritual and religious communities- we only have so much capacity. There’s even the theory that we only have capacity to maintain 150 relationships of any type at once.
So what happens when our energy, our passion, and our drive gets spent schooling the kids. Doing zoom meetings. Avoiding people at the grocery store. How does that impact our personal and intimate relationships? How does that affect our husband/wife/partner?
So many people have divorced and broken up during this pandemic. Why?
They Are Driving Me CRAZY!
Some would say it’s because their partner drove them crazy. What happened to the love and desire to be together? How did YOU change—your internal expectations, beliefs, and sensitivities—and project that onto your partner without any communication? How did your partner being home or around more often shift your role in the family unit? Where did you lose your capacity?
What is the Role You Each Play?
Is your role your identity? Was your partner’s role theirs? What is your capacity for being present to the reason things have shifted? The understanding of the loss of connection?
Connection starts by observing self and understanding your own drive. When we are so tied to our identity and/or role, and become offended, hurt, challenged, or self-conscious when another doesn’t help us align with that role-doesn’t play the part they have always played—that is not the other person’s fault.
Limited Capacity for Relationships
If you find yourself “breaking up” with friends, family members, or partners because belief systems are different, it’s a great time to come to me for some Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT Tapping) sessions. Why? Because it’s your own internal sensitivity being challenged. Your own belief system.
Your Own Unresolved Subconscious Crap Creates A Lot of Problems
How do I know? I can listen to people on totally opposite ends of the spectrum from me. I may be dismayed, shocked, turned-off, or confused by their logic, however I don’t take it personally and don’t feel the need to attack them for their beliefs. Instead I have an open conversation about it—if they choose. (Plus our brains all work differently and I learn TONS from other peoples’ perspectives.)
The more healing I do around my belief systems, the less triggered and upset I get. The more capacity I have for love, openness, and compassion.
Limited Capacity for Openness
Can you be open to listening without offense when others share an opposite opinion? Becoming offended, judgmental, and angry does nothing. Nothing to solve problems nor create solutions. Especially in interpersonal relationships.
If you find yourself more stressed than usual because of the last year, and of what others are doing/thinking/believing, and are open to a conversation, give me a call or schedule a chat here.
I’m here for you. Non-judgmentally and with open arms.