Tag Archives: healing

Running Out of Steam

Touch Remedies Posted on by

We lose a lot when we stop talking to each other and checking in with what we want or need. Perhaps today is a good day to intentionally create stronger communication with a loved one. 

Excerpt from The Touch Crisis: 

The Touch Crisis Cover
The Touch Crisis Cover

“How about we go practice some martial arts in the park today?” My friend James asked, as he watched me shove a load of massage sheets into the wash machine at my house. “You mentioned you wanted to refresh your skills before heading overseas.”

I closed the machine and threw a scoop of soap into the drawer. “Nah, I’ve already done about fifteen hours of massage in the last few days. I should probably let my hands rest.”

Besides, I’m restless and would rather run than hang around and practice right now. I’d probably get annoyed and irritated and no one needs that. I really don’t want to do anything for anyone else right now, including him.

“You sure? I’ve been playing with releases and tweaking the techniques to be easy on you and play to the strength you have in your kicks,” he encouraged. “Plus, when we get back I can cook some dinner for us while you finish your laundry and client work.”

“How about we go for a run? I should get some cardio in,” I replied, moving past him to get to the kitchen and empty my lunchbox. And I just think I’m too brain-dead to learn anything anyway. “There’s plenty of time to practice before I leave.” Maybe his knee is hurting him again. I should probably make sure he’s okay before I force him to run. “How is your body feeling today anyway? Are you in any pain?”

“Nah,” he said, playfully puffing up, “I’m tough. I can handle any kind of run you throw my way.”

…As our friendship grew, he was respectful with his physical contact. We had great communication around touch boundaries which gave us opportunities to be causal about it, touching each other for emphasis when we talked, plus tons of hugs and snuggles when we were watching movies. I could tell when he was in a lot of pain, which he often was, being an ex-racer and having had many crashes on cycles. If I started giving him little massages, he would tell me not to get into a healing role with him. He said that he was open to getting some massage here and there, but that he didn’t want to become a project or for me to get into work mode. It was hard for me to find the line between offering healing touch and not stepping into healer mode. Sometimes, he would stop me and tell me not to give massage unless he could reciprocate; so, I taught him some massage techniques so he could work on my arms, shoulders, and neck. The intention was to create some reciprocity and balance.

I’m not even sure what or when it happened, but somewhere along the line I did shift into the healer/caretaker mode because it was so natural to me. And as our friendship changed, our level of communication did not keep up with what was needed in order to allow the whole relationship to shift with our changing needs, wants, and experiences. Eventually, we both stopped paying attention to how we were feeling about touch. I didn’t realize until much later that I had started feeling like I was over-giving. My brain would justify it with “I’m the one who asked if I could try that technique,” or “I am the one who started working on his arm because I was bored with the movie; so since I had initiated it, it felt unfair to be upset and demand something different.” Right? Nope. Not at all.

Suddenly, subtle layers of inequality had settled into my body and into my deeper consciousness. Because I didn’t make a choice to tune into myself and see what was really truly going on, I started allowing other aspects of our friendship to exacerbate the feeling of inequality. Suddenly, his being twenty minutes late, even when communicated, became an issue and another bit of evidence that he didn’t value the friendship. Stuck in my own story of over-giving, I had no idea that he was feeling the same…

The communication balance had broken because our intentions were not clearly expressed.  The safety of the culture and communication that we had so carefully built between the two of us was dissolving. The nurturing warm feeling it had offered both of us was replaced with confusion, desperation, and neediness.

Click here to purchase The Touch Crisis on Amazon. Or– request it from your local bookstore.

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With love,

Dawn

Nature of Relationships
Dawn with Hands on heart
Dawn

A Familiar Start

Touch Remedies Posted on by

Excerpt from The Touch Crisis: 

The Touch Crisis Cover
The Touch Crisis Cover

“I set my laptop down on the beige tile floor so I could give my dad a hug before I left. My need for touch had returned during the last few weeks. It didn’t take me long to get over my touch sensitivity, I mused, thinking of all the hugs with family, clients, and friends in the last month. Luckily, I’m in the right spot for a really good one before heading to work.

Plate in hand, my dad reached his other arm out and gave me a quick squeeze. “Have a great day at work, Honey. It will be nice to see you when you get home tonight,” he finished, walking over to pick up his coffee cup.

Is that it? I thought, suddenly panicked and dissatisfied. Give me a real hug, dammit! Stop being in your routine and pay attention to ME!!

The child in me screamed, remembering those long, comforting hugs I got when I was little, when Dad would wrap me up in comfort and love—the kind that made my body feel snuggly and safe.

You are an adult now, my mind reminded me. You’re not supposed to need that kind of attention from your parents. I felt the familiar surge of unmet emotions rising into my throat. It felt like I wanted to throw a mini-tantrum to release the emotional void that I could feel growing deep in my stomach.”

Click here to purchase The Touch Crisis on Amazon. Or– request it from your local bookstore.

With love,

Dawn

Nature of Relationships
Dawn with Hands on heart
Dawn

Pushing my body, expanding my mind….Thoughts that come up on a 96 mile hike

Touch Remedies Posted on by
In my last blog, I shared about some of the people that inspired me that I met on my hike. The majority of the rest of the hike was spent in contemplative thought about my own life and how to achieve my purpose and passion. If my mind started looping, I would talk out loud to myself in order to stay on track. Except of course for the 3 miles that the itsy-bitsy spider was stuck in my head.
I sang it over and over again to the rhythm I was walking. It would not go away. Maybe my body wanted me to do the hand motions that went with it, but I was trying walking sticks with this hike to see if I liked them. (I do when my pack is too heavy and I’m going up steep stairs or up steep hills, but on flat or easy spots they’re just kind of annoying for me.) Then I started thinking about how I wish I knew it in Swedish so at least I could practice my Swedish. See….the ego is so good at keeping us safe instead of exploring deeper meaning and purpose!
What I really want to share with you today is about limiting beliefs. As I pondered how I can help people on both an individual and community level while make a bigger positive impact in the world,  my ego, limiting beliefs, and societal imprints all kept trying to get in my way. I decided these are variations of the same theme. Little things that the mind tells us to justify/explain/prove WHY things are or are not happening. Why relationships aren’t working, why finances are tough, why “x” cannot happen or why “y” keeps happening.
“We learn our belief systems as very little children, and then we move through life creating experiences to match our beliefs. Look back in your own life and notice how often you have gone through the same experience.”
-Louise L. Hay
When I was taking my EFT (emotional freedom techniques/tapping) courses, one of the techniques we learned was how to tap on affirmations in order to uncover the mind chatter/subconscious belief/limiting belief that prevent us from embodying the affirmation. It’s a really fun exercise, and if you are doing affirmations and it doesn’t seem to be helping, let’s do a session together and I can teach you the technique!
Back to my point though. I re-uncovered a limiting belief that I have to work hard to make money. In other words, if I’m not physically pushing myself, it has no value. How interesting that when I had my practices in United States, I attracted all of my lovely clients that love deep tissue work. As soon as I moved to Sweden, I averaged two calls a week for people looking for lighter touch therapies such as craniosacral. My goal was always to have about a 50-50 practice of deep and light, yet somehow I thought it wasn’t possible. In fact, the belief was so strong, I found myself doing deep work sometimes on people that didn’t even want deep work.
I share this because I’m encouraging you to find where in yourself is there a limiting belief that is preventing you from achieving your goal, fulfilling your passion, finding happiness, or healing from the past.  When I worked with my EFT practitioner last week, She helped me uncover a memory from fifth grade, when a friend told me that I had to make a choice between her and other friends in order to be accepted. That had turned into a limiting belief that was impacting how I showed up in the world for others, and how I was holding my own boundaries.
If you want help uncovering your beliefs, I encourage you to go for a multi-day hike or walk by yourself. If that’s not possible, let’s set up an appointment. I would love to help in anyway I can. You can always set up an appointment from the homepage of my website. Enjoy this next series of pictures.
Sending so much Love, Dawn