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Tag Archives: women

Have I Learned To Hate Women?

Touch Remedies Posted on May 25, 2021 by Touch RemediesMay 25, 2021

The Hidden Belief Exposed

“It’s hard to hate women when there’s so much awesomeness around me.” The words that came from my mouth on the fourth day of class shocked me. Where on earth did that come from? Here I am, on a massage table, getting CranioSaral work by at least five women, and THAT is what I say? 

I laughed out loud.  Partially because it was a funny statement, partially because I had no idea where it came from, and partially because I was waiting for the judgement to rain down.

I went back to my campsite that evening after a soak in the hot springs.  It was 1 am; I was mulling over my experiences so far. 

All week, every relationship that has come up that has needed healing was a betrayal by another woman.  From secrets being betrayed, my body being judged, my ideas being shot down, my motives scorned.  There wasn’t room for me in this world as a strong, independent woman in my younger years, and I had carried this forward in my body.  

A Simple Intention To Heal

CranioSacral Therapy Outside

My physical intention for this week-long CranioSacral class was easy: Release the scar tissue in my lungs and chest that had been created by the mold exposure as well as the damage caused by the refrigerator that crushed me against a steel beam and caused me to lose function in my right arm for a few weeks.  

My Emotional intention was even easier (so I thought.)  To heal old relationship issues so I could open my heart even more.  After all-I’m still friendly with most of my exes…  I knew where my fear was, what my belief system was.  I just needed a bit of support clearing that.  

Ha.  I thought I had work to do around my relationships with men.  It makes me chuckle now.

The Introduction

Sitting in the room of 10 female students and 2 female teaching assistants (and the one male teacher) the first day of class, I found ease, grace, and familiarity in us all staking our claim in our roles in the introductions.  Like a litany of triumphs- whether traumas, successes, or life struggles.

My name is x, here’s my intention of learning and/or healing for the week, here’s the experiences I’ve had.   Strong identities shared.  Here is my story.  This is what you get to see of me.  This is how I choose to portray myself. 

A safe space to share trauma is rare.  But allowing another woman to see the strength you hold; the power and beauty and sexuality—unheard of.  

So we hid.  Behind stories.  Or perhaps—it was just me hiding.  Behind my own ego, my own belief that my 23 years of healing myself had somehow brought me to a different level.

Are Women Taught To Hate Women?

Our group discussion as women the day after my session was fascinating.  The same themes came up over and over.

“I don’t trust women.” 

“I’ve never experienced love and trust for a group of women before.”  

“We are taught as a society to judge and hate women.   WTF.” 

Together, this group of women let go of hate and bonded in a tighter way than I have ever experienced.

A woman who shared the experience on the table with me said, “Dawn feels like a sister.  I wasn’t going to let go of her hand until I knew she was okay.”  She turned to me. Protective. Powerful. “I don’t trust very many women.  But I can honestly say I love you.”

We discussed how society had trained us to be competitive, mistrustful, judgmental, and hateful towards each other.  Not how men had, but how other women had.  How we, as women, had lost so much by betraying each other.  

Am I Being Melodramatic?

Even writing this story—it seems excessive.  Is it true we’ve been taught to distrust and hate each other so much?  Reflecting on my experiences + how I hear my male friends discuss how baffled they are by the way women treat each other—I would say yes.  

Ask me who my five closest friends are—the ones who know the most about me, who I trust with my life and my soul—only one is female.  Fascinating.  I’m not judging that or even saying it should be more balanced.  Just noticing.  Very curious. Curious about the hidden culture that set me up to distrust women—and how my mind latched onto unhealed past circumstances to believe it.

A Personal History of Betrayal; Unhealed Circumstances 

Maybe it started in first grade when a classmate called me a whore.  I didn’t even know what it meant, but I could tell she was angry and that it was really mean.  

Maybe it was in 5th grade when one of my good friends made me choose between her and my other two female friends. I was told I must align or be left behind.  I chose wrong that time.  The second time she gave me that ultimatum she lost my friendship—or what was left of it. 

Maybe it was in sixth grade when a friend told my secret to the whole school.  When I got home I got in trouble for sharing the same secret.  Doubly shamed.  

Maybe it was the girls who made fun of me when I developed early; perhaps it was my male friends’ girlfriends who assumed I was sleeping with their partners, as they clung with a jealous ferocity to the boy they had captured.  

Maybe it was the time in high school when I overheard two women talking about how I was having sex with my boyfriend; their shocked tones and catty judgement easy to hear through the bathroom stall.  

Hell, I didn’t know I was doing the stuff they said I was doing with him.  I would have been shocked at myself too at that age.

College Was No Different

Perhaps it was observing women at the university; they were cruel to each other, judging, commenting, hiding their insecurity behind a superiority complex and trendy clothing.  I wanted nothing to do with it.  I preferred the martial arts gym with the men where acceptance seemed easy. 

Perhaps it was one of my closest female friends forgetting I existed when I was in my 20s; knowing I was staying at her house for the weekend so I could go to school, yet inviting her closest 5 female friends over to dress up and have dinner together. She was very cordial about inviting me into the group when I returned from school and they were gathered together.  She even offered to share her dinner with me. 

No, Thanks.

Perhaps it was being accused of disrespecting women’s relationships.  Maybe it was because I portrayed myself as confident and independent and it made others uncomfortable.

I Really Do Like Women!

I’m not the first woman who has written about this cultural phenomena. Personally, I like and love women as individuals.  I love my clients, my friends, the females who have mentored me and supported me along the way. 

I just didn’t have any awareness of how guarded I am when women get together in a group. Whatever happened in class this last week pulled the remaining trauma out of my body and my system.  It’s been transformative.  Emotional.  

It reminded me how important it is to continue  our own healing processes.  How vital it is to look into the shadow side of ourselves; how our unhealed situations in our past as well as familial patterns influence our current reality.

If you are interested in exploring your unhealed moments in time, schedule a health and healing strategy session with me.  I’d love to have that conversation with you.

With love,

Dawn

Nature of Relationships
Dawn with Hands on heart
Dawn
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Nature of Relationships
Dawn with Hands on heart
Dawn
Posted in Cultures and Communities, Relationships, Women | Tagged commmunity, craniosacral, Culture, hatred, healing, relationship healing, women

Touch? Physical Contact? It’s About Connection.

Touch Remedies Posted on May 16, 2019 by Dawn BDecember 24, 2020

The Touch Crisis

I am finally writing my book about “Touch!” The word “touch” suddenly seems to have negative connotations, so I am using the phrase “Physical Connection.”

This book has been in process for a few years. When I was giving presentations around Minnesota and California to women’s groups on how ‘Healthy Touch Connects Communities,’ women became inspired to connect more strongly with others around them, and communicate more around touch-with people they wanted connect with as well as those they observed were not connected.

They also thought about different ways to speak to their children about touch. Many people told me I should write a book, and I thought about it…for over two years.

The Time is Now For Connecting

The time is here. But as I talk to people about how they connect, the common theme is always around communication. That’s a big subject! I remember hiking in Sweden, and I got lost in a small town while I was trying to take a back way to the grocery store from an art park.


I walked for about 30 minutes before seeing ANYONE, so when I saw a woman walking towards me on the street, I was extremely excited. I asked her if she could point me to the store (in my really poor Swedish) and she indicated that she was deaf and couldn’t hear me.

Who Isn’t Hearing?

What happened next still bothers me. Instead of pausing for a minute, and trying to communicate using the few signs I do know and spelling the rest, I shrugged my shoulders, made a gesture as if I was SO disappointed she didn’t understand me, and went on my way.

SERIOUSLY? I just ran into a beautiful person who cannot hear, and instead of taking the time to try to communicate and say hello and step into her world, I shrugged her off because it was such an inconvenience for me to not be able to talk to her while lost in a foreign land? I can make all the excuses in the world about why I didn’t try to sign (first being that I was thinking so hard about how to talk in Swedish, I forgot that I knew some basic sign language), but the reality is I didn’t stop and pause and think about the best way to connect and communicate.

Another time I froze in communication where it could have made an impact was when I arrived in the Lake District in England. I was walking to my hostel with my laptop and my rucksack after an exhausting day of travel, and saw four teenagers ahead on the sidewalk throwing around drink bottles and chasing each other. Not wanting to get caught up in the splatter, I moved toward the road and tried to sneak past them. One of the girls stopped me and asked for help. She said the two boys were bullying her, and wouldn’t give her and her female friend their drinks back. I gave the boys A LOOK and they returned the bottles.

She then shared with me that her friend was ignoring her so she could chat with the boys, and allowed the bullying to happen. In retrospect, perhaps I should have given them all a bit of a lecture about treating each other with respect, especially the girl who was ignoring her friend. But I didn’t know what to say at the moment, as I was caught up in the tragedy of the teen years and how people treat each other. I wonder to this day why I didn’t, in that moment, tell her she deserved to be treated like that, tell her friend not to treat her that way either if she was a true friend, and to tell the boys to treat the girls with respect, especially when they say “STOP.”

Both are lessons, and remind me that no matter how well we think we communicate, there is always room to grow. I would love to hear your stories about communication and physical connection, and how you use these to strengthen your connection within your own communities-both large and small. If you are open to being interviewed for the book, please contact me HERE.

Upcoming Class

Moms of Pre-Teen or Teen Girls- Join me and my friend Alissa for a fun, powerful, interactive, experiential workshop. Explore how to:

  • Create a stronger bond and connection through a deep respect of one another.
  • Clearly communicate while focusing on what’s great already.
  • Learn how to set boundaries that feel good and give voice to both of you.
  • Learn tools that empower your relationship and keep you connected now and for years to come.
  • Our event partner, Athleta, will be giving away a raffle prize package
    • an hour in the Athleta store with their stylist
    • a $50 ShopCard!
    • a Starbucks beverage of your choice while you are with the stylist!


Follow THIS LINK for more information and tickets.

I look forward to hearing from all of you.

Nature of Relationships
Dawn with Hands on heart
Dawn
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Nature of Relationships
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Dawn
Posted in Relationships, The Touch Crisis, Touch Remedies | Tagged communication, deaf, foreign languages, healthy touch, hearing, the touch crisis, Touch, touch remedies, women | Leave a reply
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