How Do You Project Negative Self-Talk on Others?
Reflections of the Past
I listened to The Bob Davis Podcasts as I drove down to Red Wing Thursday. He talked about his experience on the road as a nomad.
It reminded me of the beauty and the wonder of what it was like to backpack through Europe; how I got to learn to slow down, be present, and shift my own expectations. His discourse also brought back memories of how my friends, family, colleagues, and acquaintances projected their ideas and fears onto me.
Whose Self-Talk is This, Anyway?
“Isn’t that dangerous?” “How do you live with only a backpack full of stuff?” (To be fair, I had a backpack full of stuff AND a laptop…except when I ditched it to go hiking and camping.) “What are you going to do if you can’t find a place to stay?” “Aren’t you lonely?”
Then, there were the straight-up judgments. “Must be nice to be so rich you can afford to take nine months off.” “Is this your mid-life crisis?” “What on earth would you do that for?”
This is Not My Voice Inside
Their projections gave me a clear view into their own negative self-talk and limiting beliefs.
I got a lot of suggestions; however, most were irrelevant to the experience I was seeking and the way I love to travel.
I’ve been talking in my networking group about negative self talk and how impactful it can be; sometimes we don’t even realize we are doing it. We often do not realize that what we dislike in others is something we dislike in ourselves. For example, I get irritated when I feel like people are not following through on promises. I am clear that when I don’t follow through on something I am overwhelmed with guilt and sometimes shame. The reflection of what I dislike in myself gets projected onto the other as irritability. I know what others perceived as laziness and leisure while I was in Europe was often hiding jealousy or their own internal judge telling them that one MUST do more, be busy, and stay “on track” with goals.
Giving Grace & Space
Giving myself grace and space to write whenever I wanted allowed my book to come forward. When I tried to push to make the book happen, because negative self-talk decided I HAD to get it done before my mom visited, everything halted. And the voices got louder.
I returned to the US and jumped back into American life again (albeit more grounded and calmer.) Massage Therapy offices were closed in the spring, and I started berating myself for not building my online practice while I was in Europe. “I had all that downtime and did ‘nothing’ with it.” I didn’t have the space to work with clients in a safe and private environment, but the voices told me, “You could have been educating people about Emotional Freedom Techniques. You could have been sharing your personal healing using tapping.” I had to step back. The negative self-talk wasn’t mine. It was the voice of everyone else— you need to do more, make more money, have more stuff, BE more in order to be important/ relevant.
That’s not what I believe. Who I am and what I choose in my life is enough. If others want to judge me for that, that’s their own issue; thus, they get to look within instead of projecting their self-talk. I am not going to take that on.
My Question For You
Who gets the brunt of your projections? How does it feel to you when you are upset at others’ decisions? Where does your negative self-talk impede your own peace and happiness?
EFT Tapping Can Help Self-Talk
I could share a ton of stories with you about how it helps me. But I want you to go within first. It doesn’t matter how tapping helps me. The question is, how would you like it to help you?
I’m here for you.
With love,
Dawn
